Ugly Inside and Out

Though no one else close to me or who loves me see's this, only me so far. I do feel like an ugly person inside and out. I guess that idea was put there mainly because of me and the trips i've done in my life that made me have guilt about who or what i am. I am easy to get along with most of the time, i guess when i get mad or extremely upset is when one Ugly side comes out. I've gotten mad at some people and they've left my life at that moment, never to hear from them again. The other ugly side is i don't wear make-up, or jewelry, or dress up fancy with high heels and hair curled, i am always in ordinary mode, sweat pants and a t-shirt most of the time. My 21yr old is quite the opposite she's even offered to dye my hair, put on make-up and help me dress more now, but i politely refuse and being the way i was made, she just accepts that without arguement. Not that i'm disapointed at times with who i am, but it bothers me that others sit and judge you because you don't mimic them, I say we are who we are, and once a mold is hardened its pretty much gonna stay that way til that individual convinces themselves to be different. Til then.." If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best "
embrissa embrissa
41-45, F
9 Responses May 5, 2007

Everyone is different in their own way. If you dye your hair, you won't look like anyone but you with a new look.

I'm 58 and when I have the gray taken out of my hair, I look 35. I've been told this by other people - not my opinion. I use moisturizer under my makeup and have no wrinkles to speak of. You might feel better about yourself if you changed one or two small things gradually.

"If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best " what an amazing line Embrissa.
I'm a bit like you I guess, I hang out all day in jeans and tshirt, and my eldest wants to doll me up. my husband threatens me every day that he'll chuck my jeans out - he wants me to wear skirts and dresses all the time (he says wear them now while you still can). I would love to wear all that stuff but I don't deserve it, and even when I do make an effort everyone looks at me and that's so discouraging. Not only am I ugly on the outside but on the inside too. If I don't feel good one day and someone rings, I just don't answer. Very soon they get fed up of calling and they disappear. I lose lots of people this way. I only like to see people the first time, and after that I figure they get bored of looking at me. I can't seem to maintain relationships with other people, like friends.

Thanks so much for posting this. You remind me a lot of myself in that I've always been judged to be unattractive because I won't do the feminine primping thing either. Thanks for standing strong and being you despite the pressure as it really helps others in this situation feel better. On a related topic, is it possible your anger issues could relate to feelings of bitterness about being judged? Just a thought because I have anger issues too and I can definitely trace some of them to my rage at being mistreated for not wearing make-up, heels etc. Not that doesn't still make it hard to deal with but knowing the source of anger sometimes makes it easier to explain to a loved one.

Maybe you should just go with the peer pressure. I don't want to sound to judgemental, but the people that don't do whats cool are usually lonely, i know from experience.

You are a success in life with children, etc. I understand the angry. Taking Anger Management. It really helps. Yoga helps. Counselling helps. Paxil helps. Everything helps, but nothing is a panacea. (Hope I spelled that right.) Even my anger management counsellors discuss their anger and the levels they reach. It's human. All sorts of triggers are there. Know you can work on it, if you want a better you. At least you can say, "I'm better." and maybe get a little satisfaction from it. <br />
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Wish you all the best in this world. I think you're fine in a lot of ways. I admire your opening-up in this experience group.

Anger towards another person is often a misjudgement of that person, such as what we think they're thinking, when there's no way in hell we can know what they're thinking. I try to put the best intentions possible into every word and action of other people and don't try to make a judgement on a mystery (which every person is). I get a lost less angry this way.

when you get mad how can you control yourself? Toss a handful of chocolates into your mouth?Maybe.

The world is Beautiful...Every thing around us is created beautifully..And the way that each of us is looking difference than the other is only one fact that shows different kind of beauty..<br />
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there isn't any list shows what is beauty ?? maybe media is doing this role But Don't give a dame **** about it.:D<br />
you can try from time to time some different styles than yours ..Its fun you know see your self in a new look :D and if you like to be in the same style its okay ...its all how you feel about it baby :D<br />
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We all have two sides ...the best- the worst ...I try to show the best of me and be kind with people because I would like to see they treat me like that too :D<br />
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Thank you :D

I don;t think ordinary is ugly.