Troll Diary

Hello to everyone reading. I am nearly 40, have always been chubby my life, native american, feminine and gay. My screen name comes from guys call me. My nick name is Qwazzimoto, I don't know how i got that and why it still sticks with me. I am nearly 40 have the people who are not ugly have been so cruel to me both male and female. It still continues to this day. I am made fun or, laughed at, called very cruel names, and still called ugly on a daily basis. Some are still under the impression that because this has been happening for nearly 40 years I am supposed to have developed a thick skin and it's not supposed to bother me. Truth is, my feelings still get hurt. What is hard for me to deal with is I never wanted this, and I never did anything to anyone for people to be some mean and cruel to me, I just exist. I'm a kind, very gentle, caring person. I have yet to meet the one person that will truly love me unconditionally. I have yet to go out a first date. I have yet to have my hand held. I have yet to have my first kiss. To avoid being so depressed about it, on my days when I don't work, I spend volunteering at food banks and homeless shelters. I have asked guys out on dates many time and always get turned down. The internet dating and all that does not work for me. I've also tried phone lines too, but when it comes time to meet in person and they see me, they are no longer interested. I always hear that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - I just think that who ever said that probably was not ugly like me. I face prejudice every day because I native american, I am fat, I gay, I am not a very masculine man, I am gay and I am ugly. I just try to keep it together as best I can. It has been hard and I have been beaten up and beaten down. I always thought that someone day I find someone, I don't know, but I'm starting to think that may not happen...
36-40, M
5 Responses Sep 17, 2012

Hello there. I'm not sure if you still use this website, but I'm willing to talk to you if you need it. I'm not sure if you would want an eighteen year old friend though, since I am a lot younger than you.

It would be really great if you responded though. It really hurts reading this.

You sound like an awesome person and are not ugly trust us commenters on that. Thank you for sharing this. Love will one day find you. Good luck.

Dont worry. You are beautiful inside and out. I was especially impressed that you spend time volunteering at food banks and shelters. I really admire that, and would like to do that myself. My advice would be to distance yourself from people who have called you these names. they are toxic. Find new people who are kind, or develop bonds with kind people you know. You have so much to offer, just be who you are. I wish you all the best,

I think you look handsome. I don't know why fools would want to **** with you like that. Stories like yours make me want to annihilate the human race. I know what you are going through. I wish I could help.

I'm going to be straight with you. Why do you want to help people out that are cruel to you. Why would you want to help who ones that call you ugly. I've learn though experience, people do care what you look like. I wish the world was a flat playing field but its not. People who are ugly don't get the good jobs, don't have good relationships, don't have many friends,and seem not to get the breaks in life. Just because they are ugly. The way you are going now, you will end up as shut in. Why do you think beautiful people with bad personality always seem to have many friends.