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I Am a Monster.

I'm ugly. A monster. I get told so quite frequently. Often by people I don't even know. Someone will refuse to sit next to me on the bus, or stand near me in a que, because they don't want to be near someone so ugly. And they don't hold back in saying so. I've never held hands. Never had a cuddle. Haven't had my first kiss .. and so, obviously, I'm still a virgin. People are so disgusted by me, nobody has ever even tried to touch me. I turn the mirror around, so I don't have to look at the ugly monster staring back at me.

Cursedboy Cursedboy 36-40, M 25 Responses Jul 24, 2008

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You think your life been miserable. I have lost my job because I went off (vocal not physical) on a supervisor for make a remark of how ugly I was. There’s a limit of what a person can take before the lid blow off. I went to a new high school, met a friend. He introduced me to some of his friends and the first thing that came out of one his friend’s mouth was,” how ugly I was”, then everyone else laughed. I shrug it off, but it set a stage of want was about to come the rest of my life. I was called a few more times in high school, because of this, I never went to school dances or any parties. I didn’t date in high school at all because of those remarks. Every time I got my confidence back, there was always someone out there to take it away. So, don’t tell someone, “You need confidence”. (This part is for the females out there only. When your boyfriend walks up to a person and tells them that their ugly. Don’t say to him be nice, walk out on him. . That is the worst thing you can say because, you’re indirectly confirming what he said. You know what kind of person he is now so why don’t you walk out on him). You people don’t keep saying on these web-sites “what’s inside that count” because it not). I’m now 50 and alone now. Hoping the world will end because if I have to go, I want everyone to come with me. / To Smileymiley7 - what a great combination ugly and miserable but you got your health- get real!!!

You think your life been miserable. I have lost my job because I went off (vocal not physical) on a supervisor for make a remark of how ugly I was. There’s a limit of what a person can take before the lid blow off. I went to a new high school, met a friend. He introduced me to some of his friends and the first thing that came out of one his friend’s mouth was,” how ugly I was”, then everyone else laughed. I shrug it off, but it set a stage of want was about to come the rest of my life. I was called a few more times in high school, because of this, I never went to school dances or any parties. I didn’t date in high school at all because of those remarks. Every time I got my confidence back, there was always someone out there to take it away. So, don’t tell someone, “You need confidence”. (This part is for the females out there only. When your boyfriend walks up to a person and tells them that their ugly. Don’t say to him be nice, walk out on him. . That is the worst thing you can say because, you’re indirectly confirming what he said. You know what kind of person he is now so why don’t you walk out on him). You people don’t keep saying on these web-sites “what’s inside that count” because it not). I’m now 50 and alone now. Hoping the world will end because if I have to go, I want everyone to come with me. / To Smileymiley7 - what a great combination ugly and miserable but you got your health- get real!!!

I do value things about myself. I am proud of things about myself. That anyone assumes that I don't shows that they don't really have any intention of knowing me. But to have those things doesn't negate the fact that I've never known physical, affectionate, human contact. When nobody will even try to touch you, to be with you, it makes you feel ugly. And no words really make a difference when still nobody will even try ....

Your healthy and better of than some people - be proud of that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxmileyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey! I would go out with you. It's unfortunate that everyone who would do something is usually in a committed relationship (incluiding me). I think you seem fine, and people have bigger problems ba<x>sed on what I know.

Yeah. Everyone else is in a relationship. Or too far away ......

i've had one social experience, and that's only because, at least, on a human level, i, like somebody else, here, decided not to look for social interaction. at that point, when you truly get to the point, where you're genuinely not looking for something, you'd be amazed at how it ends up looking for you, if only once. Of course, in my case, I got a little divine help. I don't think I could actually genuinely decide something like that, alone.<br />
i tell my story in a video. if you have the time, on Youtube, under the search criteria, 'fingernotonpageoropenbookquestionmark', click on the video with the word 'depression' next to it. People still treat me this way, to this day. I don't expect it to change.

it's a sad world! being ugly or different is hard I'm a tall girl so never had a man... lol wouldn't want one anyone really so it's all good

other people are right, there's nothing wrong with you.

dont ever let some body call you ugly..... for them to say that, they have a very ugly personality - and that won't get them anywhere in life..... and also who are they to judge.... some people are so cruel, dont let them get to you - show them that your stronger than they think, you don't deserve that treatment. You need to turn that mirror around and stand proudly in front of it and pick out all the positive things about your appearance and skip past the negetives.. stay postitive one day love will greet you round a cornor when you least expect it :)

You know, life is not fair, but then , I don't think we were ever told it would be. Who knows why you have to go through this challenge in life, but I can guarantee that if you don't allow it to embitter you, it will ultimaely give you a heightened sensitivity and compassion toward others (especially those with the same fate) and who knows who you might be able to help and maybe even save through you increased understanding of their plight.<br />
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Please know that those throwing around the cruel words are only doing so because they don't feel good about themselves and think by bringing you down, they're bringing themselves up. They will learn the error of their ways the hard way when they make a habit of not caring about the feelings of others to the point of finding it hard to care about anyone. They are the ones to be pitied. When someone hurts my feelings in this way, for their sake, I let them know. "What you just said has caused me a great deal of pain. Why would you want to be the cause of so much pain to another human being?"or "Don't you know that your cruelty makes YOU ugly." or "What you just said hurts me to the core and makes me want to go home and kill myself." Of course a person with a hardened heart will again act like they don't care but you've at least informed them of the pain they cause and they will think twice before inflicting that on another. You have to have these things planned in advance, because in the emotional heat of the moment, all you can think of doing is crawling under a rock. I believe these callous individuals need to know the result of their cruelty first-hand and we're in an ideal situation to educate them.

Thank you for your story. I know it's hard to believe this, but if you don't get bitter, eveything will work out in the end.

One more thing: The fact that eharmony wouldn't let you join is actually a very helpful sign. It means that it's how you feel about yourself that is the problem, not your looks. Go back and review your answers to their questions: would you want to date someone who answered the way you did? It's the perfect way to assess what you need to work on. Ask yourself if a blind person would be likely to fall in love with you. Change your actions and thoughts so that you can truthfully answer the eharmony survey in a way that will be attractive to a nice, loving person. Change your attitude, change your life. Love yourself, love life.

Hmm. Your supposed to answer the questions based on the truth of what you would do, how you feel, what you believe, ect ect. Not on what you think someone else will like. If you do that, then it's not the real you ....

Dude, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but if that is a pic of you in your post, you're not ugly! OK, maybe you're not Brad Pitt, but I've dated guys that are on the same looks-level as you, and I have been told hundreds of times that I am beautiful--even by total strangers.<br />
I know it's hard to argue with the fact that total strangers come up to you out of the blue and tell you you're ugly, but I honestly believe that what they are seeing is how you feel about YOURSELF. At some point in your developmental years, you internalized the belief that you were ugly, and now your whole identity is based on it. <br />
When I was a baby, I was fat, my face was covered in magenta birthmarks, and my mom practically painted me pink, yet people would still say, "how old is HE?" My mom was embarrassed of me and I grew up believing I was ugly and fat, even though the birthmarks went away and I was thin as a rail. By the time I finally got it through my head that I was pretty, I had learned not to judge people by their bone structure or weight. In my life, I have only dated ONE person who was generally considered good-looking, because beautiful people rarely have anything to offer beyond their looks. <br />
Start developing your self-image as a loving, wonderful guy who is worthy of every good thing, and you will attract good people to you like a magnet, because you will see others as lovable and worthy and that makes people feel good about themselves. <br />
OK, I'm not joking about this: I believe you hate yourself and if that's true, no one can truly love you the way you deserve. Look in a mirror and say OUT LOUD while looking into your own eyes: I love you. I guarantee you will either not be able to do it or you will start crying. That's the proof that you hate yourself. Repeat this exercise several times a day until you can tell yourself "I love you" and mean it. You will begin to be able to appreciate things about yourself, you will look for things to be proud of and to value in yourself. I challenge you to do this. If you don't, it means you have accepted the judgment that you are ugly and unlovable, and in that case, my friend, you are doomed.

If you keep setting your standards on the thoughts and actions of others you're never going to get anywhere. If you believe that you are ugly that's how people will see you. Confidence is an incredibly attractive thing.<br />
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I know these things sound like pointless cliches, but I'm telling you it's true! I am not beautiful by "worldly" standards. I have frizzy hair and I weigh nearly 300 lbs. A lot of people would like me to believe that I am hideous, but I LIKE the person I see in the mirror. I didn't used to.<br />
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You know that saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well that applies to the way you see yourself as well. You need to learn how to love yourself. If you're used to hating yourself it can be an icky concept, but once you get past it you'll feel a lot more confident... and what's more, other people will see it in you.<br />
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If you ever want to see an example of a person who defies convention and re-defines beauty, have a look at the gallery of Theresa Brinkman. She radiates confidence and beauty, and that radiant glow really inspired me to learn to love the person I see in the mirror.<br />
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http://seductivebyatch.deviantart.com/

maybe there's something else going on cursedboy. is the feedback around the word 'ugly'? <br />
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you sound like you could really do with some tlc. does it appeal to shout yourself a foot massage or facial. your skin looks great - facials are just so relaxing though and make you feel good. <br />
animals are unconditional with their love and great when you're feeling alone. maybe you can volunteer your pat power at an animal shelters. you definitely feel loved and special when you see their reactions. much easier to face the world then.<br />
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women truly aren't that focussed on looks, well, the majority of them. not sure if you noticed on the dating sites that women often refer to their own great looks or blondness etc:) men often mention their height, their job title or income. that's the shallow version but women really are more often concerned about their own looks than their partner's. personally, i was always drawn to someone who chatted easily and made me laugh. if i wasn't initially attracted to their looks, i noticed the longer we spent together, the more the chemistry built.<br />
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why did e-harmony not let you join? i'm sure they didn't have a picture of me when i joined them so they wouldn't know of my appearance.<br />
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i find that odd that you didn't receive any response to your contact on the dating sites. are you choosing to contact people you have some connection or common ground with? can you give us a clue to the style of your approach so we can give constructive feedback. sorry i'm making it sound like i'm not accepting there are just poor-mannered people out there but the only one we can work with is you, can't work with those who decided not to respond so missed out on getting to know you.<br />
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we all have something that we have to work on and learn the basics in that the everyone else just seems to do automatically. maybe if you're not making new friends at the social groups, you just need some help with social or conversation skills. doesn't really sound like that as you're able to express yourself well.<br />
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all1rog that's sad that the dance group doesn't invite singles. inexperience on their behalf to continue this assumption of coupledom as there is a world full of singledom. they're missing a lot of people in that marketing approach. you'd expect they'd have a spare person there if you end up with odd numbers as you want your people to mix up and dance with strangers. i showed up at a dance class years ago on my own and if it worked out at odd numbers, one of their own people would step in. didn't get stuck with just one person. kept it moving well. definitely daunting to show up on your own though so good for you. the more we do that, the more it becomes 'acceptable'.<br />
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like your work lostintheworld, not too forward, look comfy & confident, works a treat.<br />
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hope to hear of your progress and maybe we'll see your name change from cursedboy to luckyboy:) oh, hint, definitely pick a positive name on a dating site:)<br />
much love and happiness to you

Mahetaha: Something about that I won't suit anyone there. Basicly, they said I won't find anyone there, so there's no point in letting me join.

I always think, those that critize others are really unhappy with themselves.. so they lash out and look for the nearest person they can ridicule and it annoys me to the max, why cant this human race simply accept everyone is unique if we all was the same it would be one hell a wierd lifestyle.. cucuboth i think your cute.. so yh :)

Done all that. For years and years.

oh and sorry i forgot... very importand to keep your sholders back and down, in a good posture position... you might need to practice in a mirror to understand what works for you. :)

Go to a pub and rather then going in to find somebody to have a relationship with, go in looking for somebody to be your friend (As woman we can some how tell the diffrence) be confident but not cocky, keep your head up, not your eyes to the floor. Wear a nice plain, simple shirt with a coler (cant spell sorry) ... from your picture i am thinking a light blue... maybe even light blue and white with thin stripes going downwards. Black pants, not jeans or shorts and some nice shiney black shoes. Trust in yourself that everything will be fine :) Good luck x

I've been on dating sites for .. ****, 8 years or more. Never have had ANY responce to any of my profiles, or any reply to any messages I might send. One, eHarmony, just plain won't even let me join. Rejected before you can even try. And been in and out of clubs and groups for 16 years. Kinda becomes obvious that if you go to them alone, your not going to fit in. Or maybe that's just me? Going alone makes it feel like more of an up-hill battle than it already is, simply because I don't have ANY positive social experience. I go in alone. I'll leave alone. Can go in thinking as hard as I can that it won't happen that way. But it does. It dosn't stop hurting though. It hurts more each time.

You're not a monster. Your picture does not induce any sort of nausea or disgust in me. The only thing I think when I see your picture is that you look very sad.

Damn I completely sympathesize with you. Why people are not mature enough to keep their nasty comments to themselves is something I'll never figure out. <br />
Looking at your pic, you look normal....<br />
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anyway, a good saying I came across: <br />
'Why rule over someone with style when you can rule with substance'

You are definitely not a monster to me! I think you look very cute in your picture! You look very lovable. I've read some of your stories and I think you seem like a very sweet and sensitive person.

you are not ugly, god made each of us unique and special give yourself a brake and remember there are alot of shallow people in this world.