Facial Mutilation

Hi all,

I want to talk about a more radical part of some people's (well, I mean my own actually) experience of being (or feeling) ugly, hideous, an abomination or worse.
It's mostly a question.

Sometimes I feel the urge to mutilate my own face and I feel alone in this, it's a sick thought, I know that, but am I alone in this?
The idea behind this urge is that I feel being hideous is looked upon with a sense of contempt, research proved that a lot of people think ugly people are less intelligent, friendly, talented or interesting.
I want to stop being this ugly, I want people to like me like they like other girls, not being on the bottom of the foodchain anymore.
For this reason I often think mutilating my face is a solution: people with severe facial scars are met with curiosity (I find curiocity a positive thing, I love to learn myself) and there's a psychological trick to it as well.
Because extreme facial scars 'cover' the face somewhat and draw attention to them, the ugliness behind them isn't as visible, therefor people tend to assume you look normal behind the scars.
I know my feelings are crazy at best, but there is this logic to it that makes it tempting at times when I'm getting confronted a lot that "society doesn't want my kind, and my duty is to kill myself, ridding the streetview of my disgusting appearance".

Am I alone in this? Are there more people here who considered drastic measures like this one?
Some small disclaimers: I'm sorry if I offended people with facial scars who got them by accident/crime, I'm rather poor so "just getting cosmetic surgery" isn't an option and I don't have BDD, because doctors actually admitted I'm "beneath average" in terms of "lucky in looks" and how people treat me for my hideousness is very, very real.

Thanks for reading (and replying, if you do). :-)
Scarcollection Scarcollection
22-25, F
4 Responses Dec 16, 2012

If you had a doll that you think is ugly (and it is the only doll you have), would you draw on it with a marker? Rip its head off? Or would you take care it, make sure it's free of dirt and damage, and present it to the world as well as you possibly can?
All in the attitude, my dear.

That's a cute way of thinking. :) This story is a bit old though, I feel a lot better about myself now. Of course I still have my problems and insecurities, but it's not as insane as it used to be.
Thanks for the kind words though. :) (Did you just call me a doll? ;) ).

:( i used to feel similar

Also, don't let others influence how you feel about yourself. Beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder.

How old are you? I ask because people tend to be so much harder on themselves than anyone else really is. When I was younger I was very critical of my looks, but now that I am older, I look back and realize that I was being very silly and can see good things about myself.

I'm 23 years old, so no typical insecure "I need to be perfect" teenager. I don't want to be perfect, I want to be normal. Sometimes it seems like being scarred and assumed to be normal-looking is preferable over undenyable ugliness.