Awkward Title

I've known from about the age of 12 or 13 that I am ugly, and it took a long time to partially come to terms with it. Now, that does sound dramatic and silly!
I contradict myself all the time. I don't judge people on what they look like because I myself do not want to be judged in that way. However, I will judge myself and hate myself for the fact that I am ugly
and therefore everything I do is irrelevant and pointless.
Now I'm 17, I have accepted it a little. I am OK with posting pictures on the internet of myself as long as they don't frighten anyone and I have become more realistic, focusing on my studies instead of my irrelevant and selfish problems.

The one thing that I still struggle with is the fact that I will never have a romantic relationship. I am not one of those people who think that once they're 16, they must have sex with as many people as physically possible, and currently I am too busy with A levels to consider anything of the sort. Thinking of the future, though, is quite depressing for me. Everyone wants to find love, everyone wants to find peace, happiness, a good quality of life. I worry that I will never find that purely because my face is not attractive. Although I do begin to accept it, it still gets me down and is the main reason for any relapses into self-harm.

I see people on here posting stories and all I want too do is give everyone a massive hug. But that'd probably frighten everyone so... yes. Also, I am yet to see any genuinely ugly people on here or in my everyday life; me being the only exception.

Anyway, this is pointless but I like this website, so here is my contribution. Proof reading this story, it is childish sounding and boring, but I find no other way of writing it down. I'm so socially awkward... :u

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, but I can't be bothered to read this again. If anyone actually read it this far, thank you very much. c:
Phioxse Phioxse
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

I am assuming you are still in high school or somewhat fresh out of. High school can be a difficult time for anyone. A bunch of adolescents thrown into one place all searching to belong somewhere can cause some problems.
When I was in high school I literally thought I was the ugliest person to set foot on this planet. I eventually learned that was going to have to live with myself for the rest of my life so I found a way to love myself.
It's been almost 6 years since I've been 17 and I am the happiest I've ever been because I love who I am.