Why Would They Lie?

It is expected that girls are mean to each other. It's not okay, but it's expected. You can write it off as jealousy and move on. But what motive do boys have to be cruel to girls?

In middle school, boys constantly picked on me. I was called ugly, among other things. I think they were afraid that I liked them, and felt that bullying me was a way to get rid of me. I felt worse after coming to that conclusion; how could I be so horrible that it was an insult to be liked by me?

I don't think most of these boys - it was not a particular group, just many boys in my grade - realize what a profound effect they've had on my life. I was so unused to kindness and decency that whenever anyone showed it to me, I developed feelings for them. I was very vulnerable. I gave every guy who wanted to be with me a chance, even the ones I knew were just using me or wanted to hurt me. I lost my virginity at 14. I know it's not super duper young, but it was younger than I wanted. I lost it to the first guy who seemed to really like me.

I am incredibly insecure. I can't handle insults, even jokingly. It was all too real for me, once. I am now nearly 18, and I still turn into my 12 year old self sometimes. It still hurts.

But I guess there's comfort in knowing you're not alone.

secrettwinkie secrettwinkie
3 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Dude. I can relate to this so much. Between 5th-7th grade I was always called ugly and bullied by boys. They told me they'd rather die than date me.... And I confuse gratitude for love, too.... Except I never act on it.... I'm very careful--and I'm actually paranoid about being used--so, I never actually date, or take chances.

It's a tactic a lot of guys use to get in a girl's pants: make them feel horrible and ugly, so they feel the way you felt.
Some guys do it for themselves ("negative complimenting"), some do it for their friends (as a favour to return later on): make a girl insecure, so she turns easy because she feels unloved and ugly.

I've been there too, it's not nice, I hope you can overcome this, because your body is precious and all yours, nobody does you a favour by using you like that.
They don't love you, they just see you as an object they want to use easily and for free, that's the way most men are.
Stay strong, take care, good luck. :-)

It's pretty sick what some people do, Scarcollection...thanks for the info

I am 38 and still feel 12 half the time if that is any consolation lol. From what I understand, people are cruel because they are scared or in pain. Happy, secure people want others to be happy too and are too busy and kind to bother putting others down. Many people put others down in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Yes, I know exactly how you feel...for me I think these feelings/behaviours may be symptoms of love addiction - we seek love and attention from any old shmoe who gives us the tiniest amount of it, no matter how creepy or indecent that person might be...what's funny is one of my best friends is a complete knockout, with men falling all over her, and yet she still feels bad about herself for some reason. I am starting to wonder if it has to do with upbringing rather than appearance...