Maybe It'S Internal Dialogue Or Maybe It'S Just Me

Early school was hell everyone seemed to enjoy saying horrible things. Those horrible things shattered my confidence and eroded any sort of self esteem. By 8th grade I stopped talking I mean no one cared what I had to say anyways. I figured there must be something inherently wrong with me. Which is when I develop an eating disorder. I think it was more about control because I was never overweight.

No one ever paid attention to me in middle school, I felt invisible. I finally made some friends in 9th grade who were all 2 years older. In 10th grade I dated my then best friend for 2 weeks he was only using me to hide the fact he was gay. Then a few months later a stoner man *****, who then broke up with me... then we got back together... who then broke up with me again. A year later I fell hardcore for a well he was sorta a redneck who then dumped me without warning 4 months in.

Maybe my self esteem is just shot. Or maybe there is genuinely something wrong with me. Maybe the flaws I pick over are more horrible than I could ever imagine.
rainbowdasher rainbowdasher
22-25, F
4 Responses Jan 25, 2013

Hey you're a beautiful girl!
And don't let anyone say your not! Hold your head up and don't let anyone put you down.

Thank you :)

Start working on your self-esteem and prove it everyone who put you down that your a survivor and that you don't care what the hell they think! After high school every thing gets better babe

i cant see your picture that well but i don't think your ugly

Thank you :)

your welcome :)

I don't think you're ugly, and my impression of those you dated is that they have the issues, not you.

Oh well thank you :)

You're very welcome :)

Before others can love you, you must love yourself first. People usually sense negativity miles away (figuratively) and tend to either misuse it or stay away from it.

I bet that if you get a more positive attitude, people will come to you. Though you should never change who you really are, just be positive. ^^ Trust me, it helps wonders.