Am I Cursed?

I never through that I was cursed or that curses where even real until I was hindered by evil that lurks within me now as speak. I never did anything to anyone. I never did anything wrong to deserve this. I believe I have this problem because I done something right if anything. The curse I have makes me suffer by making me appear really ugly to most people but, not ever one see me that way. Oddly, a few of my peers and most adults see me as a handsome person. I know so because of how people behave and some women would say I’m cute (people rejects ugly people most of the time). This is the only thing that keeps me from going insane! But I still don’t talk often, I get depressed from time to time, I don’t have too many friends, I always look sad at school and because so many people call me ugly at school I can’t stay focus. This causes me to make low grades. I heard some say I’m the ugliest person they ever seen there life. Want to know how I feel about being thought of as the ugliest person alive by many people, and through of as cute by a few? I feel VERY confuse, mad, sad, depressed, alone, I don’t know who to go to for help and I just want to stay in the house and never come out! It feels like a curse! If only you knew how it feel to be stared at.  

       People say “you shouldn’t listen to what people say, they just jerks”. Well I tried that but negative words cut through me like a knife cuts through butter. I’m constantly cracked on throughout the school. Walking down the school halls is like me walking around with a sign that says “Please stare at me and crack a joke while you at it.” It’s bad that I can’t do all the things I won’t to do because I’m afraid of what people would say about me. I have dreams that may never come true just because of this curse that may never go away. Deep inside I love people and won’t to be someone famous by helping people, but right now stay at home overwhelmed by the thoughts of other people and not wanting to have anything to do with no one.  

       I wouldn't commit suicide or hurt myself, because I made a promise to never give up trying to make things better. I’ll rather fight back than just let this curse beat be up while I stand scared and defend less. IF THERE’S A WAY, THERE’S A WILL. I’m now looking for an answer to this problem.

SouthsideBalla SouthsideBalla
M
16 Responses Jul 11, 2007

I'm happy you said you are a different person now. That's great for you cause you definitely are not ugly!

its is a curse i believe you cause i feel exactly the way you discribe yourself . thats how ifeel until oneday i lost my soul for real sound crazy but true . i now have spirits telling am ugly an when i look the mirrow its as if ghost is stearing back at me an this is no lie. if you look into my eyes you will see what i mean.the devil work in misterious ways an can make feel ugly as well as looking ugly. i just think people should know dat

this is strange isnt it? my aunt Johanna told me that the world shows many different faces to all of us. we must not fault eachother so much. How about if we learn to have compassion for eachother? It is strange that what is most needed to be taught at United Satates schools i Compassion and empathy. However, it is only learned by the kids that are suffering and powerless because they are not free to ignore it. Somehow, the kids being cruel are getting something over on the ones they are abusing. They have some kind of pleasure in mistreating the ones they pick on. It is evil it is like what happened with the nazi's.

omg dude that is exacctlyy how I feel and that is exactly what goes through my mind everyday in school,i look sad kause of peoples words nd hey they r stupid cause really u r noot ugly at all!,nd if u look in my profile pics,i have a pic of me,i dant know how 2 put it in my default tough,go check it out please nd people say im ugly,no Im not

Thanks a lot people. You all are understanding and very supportive. This is an old story and now I am an completely different person. I decided to ignore people so I could think straight enough to find an answer to my problems. You can't think right when you to busy thinking of ways to kill yourself. I got to clear your mind and motivate yourself somehow. All trust me. The great motivator is Love. What is it that you love so much you are willing to go through anything be it or with it?

I was just browsing the net, and I came across this site, your story, through google. I don't know even know how recent this is. However, if you do read this, I know this is just the internet, but you are not ugly. You are not cursed. It will get better. I know words sting like hell sometimes, but you can't allow what others say influence your dreams. My goal is to help other people, and yes, I also want to get famous doing it. You only have you. By seeking the approval of others, you are allowing your dreams to be put on hold because of fear. Someone is always not going to like you, find you attractive. Highschool is full of people who just do what they do just to do it. People fail to realize that a person can go home with the negative words and be influenced and become depressed. You don't know what someone goes home to. I am just so sorry. I wish there was something I can do, but all I can tell you is to just be strong. As my mother would say lol, the silver lining will appear. Got to go through the bad to get to the good.

YOU ARE NOT UGLY!<br />
You're in high school I take it? People in high school are ********, they are all scared and unsure of themselves just like you, a happy well-rounded person would never be so cruel. <br />
I had people make fun of me in high school too for the way I looked, and not because I am an ugly person, but just because it was too easy. It started with one person and spread to his friends, and soon a big group of the guys in my grade were all doing it. Trust me, I know how hard it is to be made fun of a lot of people all at once. I let me affect it then but I so wish I hadn't. <br />
I know it sounds cliche but hold your head high and act like it doesn't bother you, pretend you don't hear. <br />
Don't let their words affect you, if you do, they win. <br />
You are so much better than them and you have so much potential to be something, don't let miserable people hold you back.<br />
High school is 3 crappy years out of what will be a very long life, you just have to get through them.

So what if people think you're ugly! That's their problem, not yours!! I mean, it CAN be your problem if you let it be but you've got better things to do than worry because some people find you unattractive. It's what's inside you that is important, and from reading some of your stories it sounds like you've got a LOT inside. Just keep on doing what you do and the right people are gonna see and appreciate who you are.

Take it from a person who most consider to be "beautiful"-- it's not how you look, it's how you feel.<br />
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I was voted Most Popular, Class President and I've been on a calendar before and until this year I hated everything about me.<br />
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It wasn't until I realized that my opinion of myself matters more than anyone else's that my life began to change. And yes, like you I have learned that what you think about most is what you become. After I learned this, my life changed for the better.<br />
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My opinion of myself has caught up with how others view me but even when other's opinion change, I will still love me because I am soooo worth the adoration!<br />
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Love ya!

I think you look just fine. I also think that you most probably battle depression. ( My husband does, and I can spot it a mile off. ) I wish you well. Blessed Be!

People are sick and unhappy so they try to make themselves feel better by hurting others. It all leads to a downward spiral of pain and suffering that is unnecessary for everyone.

i took a look at ur pic and i think u're super handsome.<br />
honestly, i dunno how old u r, but those kids sound like jerks!!!<br />
during 6th, 7th, and 8th grade i was the ugliest kid in school and people would make me do their hw etc...<br />
i was so depressed...<br />
it wasn't until i decided to start over as a new person that my life started to get better...<br />
unfortunately, i still don't feel pretty...<br />
i hate my face and my hair...basically my headxD<br />
but u know wat, u really need to just get at ur school work and work work work and when you're super rich, they'll try and get on ur good side and u'll be like, "and WHO r YOU???" <br />
i really hope that things get better for u!!!<br />
peace=]

i can honestly say when i started reading this i looked at your pic wondering what the hell people were talking about..you arent bad looking!! and you sound like a <b>great</b> person. one day that right person will come along and help you see that...and in turn it will block out what others say. and im sure some of them are lying too. most people that make fun of other people have a guilty conscience of something they are ashamed of. they put others down to make themselves feel better and they are also just trying to do "the cool thing". **** them. show them you are better than that and make something of yourself. focus in school and practice more on the things u are good at so when u get out of high school ull be the one makin big bucks while theyre bumming off other people being the losers they are. and you know what...i believe in you!!

hiddenbutterfli said it all exept one thing. You were talking about a curse and that you wish you could make it go away, I think I know how. Just read my story "I got almost killed by a higher power" Everybody is born beautiful, just if you like each other that depends on the taste others have. You are cute :))) hugz

Ya I know alot better now. I learned how to think positive. I learn how to fix my mind to think a certain way. Now I'm bearly ever depressed (I almost forgot how to even spell depressed.) I fix myself almost instantly. I'm a brand new person now. the impossible seem possible. the far seem closer. and best of all my problems seem to be easy to fix. I once heard a saying that YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE MOST. God showed me what I will become and how I will become it!<br />
So I cant help but smell at that. If I stick to my dreams I will become to be law.

your really not ugly people are dicks. im happy ur better now.

I've read a few of your posts, and as a Christian myself I know there is Biblical Truth to what you are speaking. The Bible says "As a man thinks so he is", but the truth is I don't even know how to change my thinking when everything around me, girls, other people etc say and do things that reveal that I'm just not an attractive person. You can tell because when an attractive guy comes into a room, girls will flirt with them. That never happens with me. I've had girls tell me "You would be the perfect guy if you looked better", or "I'm in love with you I'm just not attracted to you". I've had two girlfriends my entire life, and I'm 35. I restrict myself to online dating because somehow I cling to the hope that some girl out there will fall in love with the real me and be able to look past the unattractive physical appearance. But that my friend is a fairy tale. We live in the real world. There's no magic lamps with blue genies waiting to grant me three wishes, no fairy god mother who can turn this frog into a handsome prince. I guess life gets better after you just accept that and press on. I guess in Heaven I'll be one of the prettier angels.

From what I can see in your photo, you're not ugly, just an average looking guy, and like you said, maybe cute to some people. <br />
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There is nothing wrong with the way you look. People pick on you because people like to pick. They like to find a scapegoat, someone who can take the focus of of them.<br />
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Listen, I work in a psychiatric hospital and I see this all the time. My daughter goes through it at school, and I went through it as a child. <br />
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I used to think I was ugly, too, because of the way people treatd me. then one day after I became an adult I realized I wasn't ugly at all, but kind of even pretty. <br />
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I realized my low self-esteem started long ago in my childhood from the abuse I received and from the lies I beleived about myself. <br />
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As I had therapy to deal with that and i learned how to mange the negative feelings, my confidence grew and as my confidence grew so did my friendships and acceptance.<br />
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But still to this day people say rude things sometimes, especially some of the emotionally sick people I work with. I know its really not about me. <br />
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People say mean things to push other people away, to make themselves look better when they're feeling insecure, to help them vent their anger, and to gain a sense of power and mastery (maybe they never had before).<br />
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there are alot of coping skills you can use to deal with, but the easiest way is not to take it personally. Recognize that the mean person is hurting and insecure, otherwise they wouldn't be ebhaving that way. Then you have something on them because you recongize that. If what they said is really bizarre you can laugh it off or if what they said is closer to home, with a small hint of truth, that just shrug it off and remind yourself of all the good things about you.<br />
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Remember the more emotional healing you get the more confident you will be and that makes you appear more attractive to people. <br />
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Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, write about it like you're doing on here, draw about it, do some psuhups or execises to vent, play football, whatever-just cope safely.<br />
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What about therapy? I had it and it helped alot. <br />
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I hope things get better for you. I'll be praying.<br />
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Just remember beauty comes from the inside.