I Want a Friend.

Its really getting very tuff night by night sleeping without saying goodnight to a close friend.

I never had any success in making a good friend. Most of the time it was me who backed out in breaking the friendship.  Since I am not a good looking guy and I always had an inferior complex. One thing always jumps in my mind that may be my friend is avoiding me, even if everything is right. Sometimes I have lost friends because of betrayal and now I am in a situation in which I don't trust anyone. Now its become a rubicon.. ie point of no return. When someone speaks with me in a very lovely and carely manner it scares me and I think that something is wrong and may be that person wants to use me. I feel like I must not be treated good. If I will be hated by everyone then it will be normal.

My college ended in july 2008 and after then all of my classmates got jobs. Only my destiny was so bad that the company in which I got placed didn't provided the joining date. I am sitting at home alone since last 7 months. I never deserved it. I worked hard in my college days, secured that job and now because of recession I am jobless while other are enjoying. Now I don't have the confidence of getting another job and just pass my time on internet at home. 

I hardly speak 5 or 6 sentences a day.  Don't even chat online. No one leaves a scrap in my orkut account.  Some of my classmates do call me. Only because they are struck in their projects and want me to complete it. People do remember me when they need any help but they always forget me when going for a movie or while booking tickets for a cricket match. Because everyone just call me to complete their work I have started keeping my cell switched off most of the time.

I am 24 and sometimes I think that I should adopt a child. Atleast I will see a friend in that child. But then I think that I can't even manage myself, how can I care a child?

In one side I want to live alone. I another side I miss that special person with whom I want to share everything. I don't know whether I am destroying my life or not but I am sure that I am not constructing it either. I am just in the middle of an ocean and have no compass to guide me. 

sarkarg sarkarg
2 Responses Feb 22, 2009

I hope things have changed for you since you wrote this. No one should have to be alone like that. Clearly you are a sensitive soul, which is not a bad thing. I believe you have a lot to give to others, I hope the right people see that in you. I wish you all the best, take care:)

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