I have always been lonely my whole life. I am gregarious and I have no problem in talking with women. It's just I am UGLY, I have been turned down by women my whole life. I tried everything, gym, personality development seminars but still nothing. I have always been the third wheel and I am the guy that stands alone in a club when my friends are dancing away with their girlfriends/wives. I am the weird guy that my friends who are dating invite for movies and I sit alone while they cuddle up. I tried talking with few friends but they just don't understand that I am not whining about inane issues and that I have reached this stage after years of loneliness. I guess I have reached the point where I have accepted that I will probably die alone. This very thought used to disturb me, a lot, but I guess I have made peace with it. Sometimes I do wish I looked different!
uglylonely uglylonely
26-30, M
2 Responses Sep 2, 2014

Be happy with the way you look women aren't everything really they are nothing. Consider your short comings with women to be a blessing you can now live your life for you.

thanks!!

I didn't mean it like that... Really I bet theirs nothing wrong with the way you look or anything like that I have said it once I will say it again women go for whatevers fashionable. As a black man I'm in the dog house cause I don't have my pants hanging off my butt and so on. Chin up as corny as it sounds try loving yourself enjoy your life don't love something that breaks you down.

Bare with me this will be a long post, but im going to try to stumble through this because ive dealt with this my whole life too and id like to help you if im able. So i hope youll listen because im not some good samaritan or anything like that, i just want you to see the truth of your sittuation, and hopefully at the end of this view yourself in a different light.

I believe its possible to "change your mind" about yourself, about life, about the way youre living ALL of it. But it does take some effort.

I have a friend on here I started talking to who put in her name no bodyfriend since birth. She also believes herself to be homely looking, ugly, whatever you want to call it. But she sent me a picture of her and shes not unattractive at all. As a matter of fact id ask her out myself if i wasnt married, because shes really cute. Shes also smart, funny, interesting, has a good heart, good natured a giving person. Still she has no boyfriend. Theres a lot of people who fall into this category and its a shame it happens. But sometimes life is very unfair and a lot of fall by the wayside it would seem. But thats just it thats just how it "seems" it doesnt make it so.

All of our life is a culimnation of experiences from birth to the grave and we base who we believe ourselves to be on our previous experiences we have. We start thinking well i failed this one time so im sure ill fail again, and after a while of telling yourself something it sticks in your head and it becomes a belief which is again reinforced most times not through the actions of others but our OWN self. Look at your name on here, UglyLonely. So in your mind right now thats all she wrote, youve chalked it up as done for and thats all youre going to be the rest of your life. At least whats evident from your screen name and the post you just made. Do you see how it turns into a cycle? We believe something so our actions reinforce that belief. But how do you change that?

Well you stop telling yourself youre ugly for one, stop using screen names that say ugly in them or lonely or anything negative. The brain is like a giant computer and whatever you tell it whether its negative or positive it believes. The only difference between you and anybody else out there is you believe nobody will ever want you and youre incapable of getting a girlfriend etc. You feel destined to always be that third wheel and guess what as long as you believe that youre basically giving yourself a life sentence of that being your life.

All this stuff about the brain being a computer btw isnt just me blowing smoke up your butt. Its scientifically proven and i learned it from taking a self help course dealing with social anxiety which is something i struggle with. Avoidant personality disorder specifically. Anyway the reason i mention that is so i can cite the source and you can look this guy up and read some of his theories on the brain and how it works for reference. His name is Thomas A Richards. Really a brilliant guy whos helped a lot of people.

Back to the topic though.

Also women whether you realize it or not are built a little differently than men and theyre not as physical as men when it comes to attraction to a possible mate. Its been proven that women are attractived to confidence is a major thing that attracts them to a possible mate. So its possible you can change your personality learn to be more sure of yourself and portray some confidence and women will be more attracted to you. Im not saying you have to become a brash loud Ahole or anything like that, im just saying learn to like the good qualities about yourself, and really believe in yourself. So much of life can be conquered by this one small often overlooked thing. Sure physical attractiveness is a thing and there has to be some sort of chemistry there. But its not some huge wall you cant climb or go around. You can even make yourself appear more attractive to the opposite sex by dressing better, doing small things like taking care of your personal hygiene. All those little things add up.

95% of communication isnt even verbal, its physical and in small things we do without even realizing it such as the colors of our clothing we wear can show were open or closed to communication. Like for example they say never wear black to a job interview because it shows youre inflexible. Also if you cross your arms it shows youre not open to talk. So its possible when you go out to meet women and things maybe youre unknowningly giving off some of these signals and pushing people away. I mention it because with my anxiety disorder i do this constantly but im working hard to overcome it.

Theres a lot of other factors in attracting the opposite sex. These are only some ofthem. Do some more research on this yourself on the net and really study it and you can litterally change your life. It wont happen over night and it will more than likely be a LOT of work to change your viewpoints and beliefs about yourself and the world around you but if you can do this i promise you wont regret it and itll open your eyes to a world out there you never knew existed.

Its easy to let life beat you down but you gotta pick yourself up and keep going.


I hope none of this came across as preachy or like a know it all. Im just trying to pass along some things to help because i hate seeing people on here hurting. Theres men, women, kids suffer with this too. Our society has a sickness where its obsessed with physical beauty and it really needs to stop. So i like to do everything i can to help people with this, everytime i see them because i suffered with that kind of thinking my whole life, and its really just a dead end that causes you to end up living your life in a room for 20 years staring at a computer screen with no hope for change.

At the end of the day im just some txt on a screen some random guy on the net passing by, but i hope youll think about what ive said and it helps you. Pass this along to other people who post in this section who feel ugly, pay it forward i guess.

Nobodys ugly in this world man, lifes a gift. Start living it.

Best wishes and God bless.

thanks a lot!! will try to change

Hey buddy best of luck with it, take care and have a great day.