Ugly Duckling to Duck
Beauty is personified from the inside. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We hear quotes like that all the time to make us all feel a little better. But the camera doesn't lie. If we don't look good, we just don't look good. Tests have been done, and even babies have a prebased judgement on what is or isn't attractive. You could blame the media for making people like us feel ugly, but in the end, we're not any more happier than we were at square one. So what to do.
I feel like I can relate to feeling ugly. I used to think I was pretty, but I feel really ugly now. I can't stand my pictures, and I don't like my reflection. I try to stay in shape and I get enough sleep; I drink water and do makeup and hair and stay away from the bad things, but when I look at myself, I know what I see. And I think I'm ugly, because I'm not living up to my ideal standard of what is beautiful.
I'm ugly. I was born ugly. You might think it's harsh to just say that, but it's true. Who said I was ugly? Myself. Me, because I could not live up to my ideal image of what is beautiful. I could go on to describe the things that make a girl beautiful; the slender and graceful curves, the pale skin and long, wavy dark hair...But that right now is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that it'll never happen; I'll never be beautiful. I'll never have that grace, I'll never have that elegance, I'll never be...What I want to see me be. Because I wasn't born to be it. I wasn't made to be what I wanted to be. My genes say no where I want it to say yes. And this saddens me quite a bit.
The funny thing is, though, is that I expected it to happen. I always thought I'd grow into myself eventually, that the ugly duckling would turn into a beautiful swan. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and catch a glimpse of that beautiful girl, but as always, she disappeared within the bl
I look at myself now for all that I am. I see my features that I dislike. I see the straight contours of my body, and I know that this is who I am. What society calls ugly, what society would never take a picture of for a magazine, never draw a picture of for a cartoon, I am. I am what the media wouldn't portray to sell something, to entice or attract men or women into buying something. I am the other side of that. I am the ugly. That's just how I look, and unless I go under the knife, there's nothing I can do about it.
Those images at my photoshoots will always haunt me. Those pictures will always loom within my mind whenever I close my eyes, there to remind me of what I am and who I could never be. Perhaps you could call me a victim of society's portrayal of certain things, such as the ideal beauty.
To be honest though, I don't feel as bummed out about it. In the end, I am still me. My worth is more than my face. I guess what's more important is whether or not if you feel comfortable in your own skin. Who cares what people think-- people will always come and go. And if you're worried about the dating thing...My mom always said that in order to recieve things from others, you must be able to do it to yourself first; ie. if you want to fall in love, learn to love yourself first.