Ugly Duckling to Duck

Beauty is personified from the inside. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We hear quotes like that all the time to make us all feel a little better. But the camera doesn't lie. If we don't look good, we just don't look good. Tests have been done, and even babies have a prebased judgement on what is or isn't attractive. You could blame the media for making people like us feel ugly, but in the end, we're not any more happier than we were at square one. So what to do.

I feel like I can relate to feeling ugly. I used to think I was pretty, but I feel really ugly now. I can't stand my pictures, and I don't like my reflection. I try to stay in shape and I get enough sleep; I drink water and do makeup and hair and stay away from the bad things, but when I look at myself, I know what I see. And I think I'm ugly, because I'm not living up to my ideal standard of what is beautiful.

I'm ugly. I was born ugly. You might think it's harsh to just say that, but it's true. Who said I was ugly? Myself. Me, because I could not live up to my ideal image of what is beautiful. I could go on to describe the things that make a girl beautiful; the slender and graceful curves, the pale skin and long, wavy dark hair...But that right now is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that it'll never happen; I'll never be beautiful. I'll never have that grace, I'll never have that elegance, I'll never be...What I want to see me be. Because I wasn't born to be it. I wasn't made to be what I wanted to be. My genes say no where I want it to say yes. And this saddens me quite a bit.

The funny thing is, though, is that I expected it to happen. I always thought I'd grow into myself eventually, that the ugly duckling would turn into a beautiful swan. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and catch a glimpse of that beautiful girl, but as always, she disappeared within the blink of an eye. It didn't take too long for me to figure out that my brain was just tricking me. There was never a beautiful girl, only a hope that I could be something that I wasn't. False hope.

I look at myself now for all that I am. I see my features that I dislike. I see the straight contours of my body, and I know that this is who I am. What society calls ugly, what society would never take a picture of for a magazine, never draw a picture of for a cartoon, I am. I am what the media wouldn't portray to sell something, to entice or attract men or women into buying something. I am the other side of that. I am the ugly. That's just how I look, and unless I go under the knife, there's nothing I can do about it.

Those images at my photoshoots will always haunt me. Those pictures will always loom within my mind whenever I close my eyes, there to remind me of what I am and who I could never be. Perhaps you could call me a victim of society's portrayal of certain things, such as the ideal beauty.

To be honest though, I don't feel as bummed out about it.  In the end, I am still me. My worth is more than my face. I guess what's more important is whether or not if you feel comfortable in your own skin. Who cares what people think-- people will always come and go. And if you're worried about the dating thing...My mom always said that in order to recieve things from others, you must be able to do it to yourself first; ie. if you want to fall in love, learn to love yourself first.

deleted deleted
15 Responses Mar 21, 2009

Jesus loves you and so do I...

This is so true :) Thank you for your story , this may be a sad reality but it's who we are and we can't change that . We are worth more than this anyway :)

you are just typing what I feel<br />
I even avoid looking at the mirror so as not to see my face and remember the issue I will never get rid of . people always tell me that I should look at those who has deformity and be inspired by their courage but all that doesn't help . that gave me less confidence in the life and make me lonely person who don't want to talk to new people or meet new people , now my college life is sucks going to graduate next year with no girlfriend , and I think soon I will have some suicide thoughts

Please don't do that , you must get rid of the suicide thoughts .

". I could go on to describe the things that make a girl beautiful; the slender and graceful curves, the pale skin and long, wavy dark hair...But that right now is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that it'll never happen; I'll never be beautiful."<br />
<br />
It sounds to me like you need to accept yourself. I have felt everything you said, too. I was technically ugly all my life, and still am, but I always had a large part of me that felt confident in my attractiveness, that just can't have it any other way. I still sometimes cry when I look in the mirror, because I just cannot see myself on that face, and feel like a victim of a horrible injustice.<br />
<br />
It was even worse for me growing up being called ugly left and right, since I was born into a family of beautiful people. My older sister, my mother, my father, their 2 younger brothers, my 4 grandparents-ALL beautiful, in unique ways. <br />
Imagine how I felt in my early teens when I realized my features weren't going to change much until I reach adulthood, and that I wasn't going to turn into a was like hell. My life went crumbling down.<br />
<br />
It has made me sink into depression for 6 years(well, not the only reason, but it sure made it worse). Until I finally started to accept myself. It wasn't until my 20th birthday that I finally started to really look at myself in the mirror, and I found I wasn't that hideous at all.<br />
Sure, I am a far cry from Shania Twain, the woman I wanted to look like when I grew up...but I do have some good features.<br />
Everybody has good features. You need to learn how to bring them out.<br />
Since I started getting less obsessed with my looks, and more concerned with my attitude and demeanor, I feel people are way nicer to me. <br />
Plus, I also changed my style, which added new confidence-I dyed my hair red, which complements my pale skin and hazel eyes, better than dark brown.<br />
I no longer wear wide crappy clothes just to hide myself in them. I have learned which clothes, colors, textures make me look my best, and seek to wear them. <br />
I also experiment with make-up..not excessively, of course. But if you don't usually wear any, you'd be surprised to see what a good foundation, some bronzing powder, blush, eye liner, and mascara can do. lol<br />
Just keep your chin up.

i ask you now, who do you think is beautiful to you?if you had that person's body or 'beauty' would that make you happy?

this story could be me as well. except that i am a man. i used to think i was somewhat handsome. or that i had the potential to be handsome. but alas. at age 34 with hardly any hair left and a larger than normal waistline it has been impssible to fool myself for quite sometime. i have a very attracive fiance. it bothers me. she tries to reassure me that my looks are just fine. but i can see the lies behind her words. my facial structure makes me look like i am always angry. when i am not. my smile looks like i am not smiling. thus making people always say.. you would look better if you smiled more. of course they are oblivious to the fact that i was smiling.. before they said that at least. it has caused some problems in my life. i am a computer network security specialist for the government. and i sometimes have to deal with people. they always assume i am angry and being mean to them when i have to deal with them. they will complain to my superiors telling them that i have a bad attitude, that i was rude. but the truth is im just ugly. you make up your mind about me as soon as you see me. you are defensive because i am 6-1 230 lbs. and i look mean. you are scared. even tho i have never even raised my voice at work, people have complained and even claimed to be outright scared of me. can i get disability because i am ugly? i have some good friends that i have had my whole life and they are all pretty honest with me. they would never call me ugly but they dont hesitate to say things like "you take really bad pictures" and i joke about it and say i have a face for radio. it makes me feel a bit bitter sometimes but i try to do things that i enjoy. i make a good living so i can afford some luxuries and toys. i have an IQ that is .. well lets just say i have been formally tested several times to be sure the results were acurate. i was recruited while still in college by the government. i am the head of my agency department but have been passed over on some other jobs based on the problems my looks have given me. i am happy. i am OK with how i look. but chances are, you wouldnt be. i have went through periods in my life when i wouldnt leave the house because i was tired of the looks, the stares, the quick look aways. the little kids asking their mommies "whats wrong with him?" and the scolding looks from the mothers and look of regret when they see that i overheard. i dont have anything wrong with me exactly. normal teeth. my skin is not too bad altho kind of yellow. my nose is big. my chin is weak and narrow. my cheekbones high and large. my hair is patchy and thin. i have horrible circles under my tiny eyes. my neck is very thick, and under my small chin makes my face look fat and shifty. i have moles all over my face and body. a couple on my neck are very dark and have thick hair i try to keep shaved. my shoulders are big and thick but from some angles make me look hunched over like i am trying to hide something. my voice is deep and raspy, and altho i have an extensive vocabulary and excellent command of the english language i have been told i dont told sound very smart sometimes... these are the things i live with. other people live with them too. it makes me hate Mtv, and disney. makes me hate it that some people will have the world given to them because people want to please them. all men are not created equal. not even close. yet we have to live in a world that does not have room for exceptional people one way or another. our society can make you a vocal singing sensation based on your looks rather than your voice. yeah im bitter. but not because i am ugly. or because you are pretty. im bitter because despite my abilities and hard work, I will never be enough to accomplish what others will accomplish with only minimal effort. maybe ill go by myself a new porsche this weekend to make myself feel better. or maybe buy a Ducati this spring.

hello,<br />
when i read your story, I had to check I hadnt written it myself..When I was a very young girl, I thought i was pretty, I had people(mother, family members,friend's parents) say that I was ugly..always in subtle tones..'sarah's hair is so shiny today..yours is a bit dull, sadly'..'ah dear,you are too chubby to be in a nice dress'..<br />
I felt pretty even then, and as a lonely child, I read quite a bit..and the story that touched me the most was about the ugly duckling. I was convinced it was mother and family rejected me too..she was ashamed of saying I was her daughter..embarassed at the bad genes she gave me. I held on to the story of the ugly duckling in the hope that I would turn into a swan and finally have a real family. However that never happened, I am a young adult now and my mother is long dead. I am also told am ugly..recently an ex boyfriend put up a picture album on facebook and I was in one picture. His current girlfriend had such a laugh and said I was a horse face and everybody else commented and agreed. Before I knew it, it became a poll of ugly or not?<br />
It hurt me pretty badly. I am like you hurts for a bit when I look at my pictures, because in my mind and sometimes in my mirror, I have this image of me as being 'attractive-ish'..but that's not the case. After a while, the hurt goes, and I study hard..I am a medical student and I do quite well in my studies..that's the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind and gives me some of my confidence back. I just wish sometimes..jjust sometimes..that I had a more pleasant face..not pretty, just pleasant, as right now, I look mean with chubby cheeks..the kind of look that breeds instant distrust. Sad, seeing I'd get up in the middle of the night to help a friend if need be..ah well..<br />
life eh..

Well said, as someone else is who is apparently far outside of the range of what society considers attractive I understand your feelings. Growing up I always thought I would grow into myself so to speak, improve with time like a fine wine as the old cliche goes... sadly that has not happened. At my age it safe to assume how I look is how look.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I just want to laugh (sneer?) at all the cliches like "beauty is on the inside", because they make my stomach turn, but on some level I guess I have to agree with you, self acceptance is key. I don't know that I believe learning to love myself will have much of an impact how other perceive me, but if self acceptance leads to my peace of mind then its worth it, maybe I'll even learn to wear my ugliness like a badge, who knows, not sure if that will make up for having to live out my life alone, but you take the small wins where you can get them.

Amen sister.

Wow, your story was so beautifully written. And I love how is circles it's self back to suck a logical conclusion. The emotion put into the entire thing is really touching. You seem really intelligent too. <br />
<br />
I must tell you how I feel from a artist's perceptive. You are right that all humans have a instinct about what is physically attractive from birth. This mostly has to do with natural selection and choosing a mate etc. But, what makes us HUMAN is that we deter from basic instinct. We can find pleasure in things that seem to go against natural instinct. This it's self is a higher transcended level of thinking that no other creature on earth has come close too. It makes us want to make art and music, it's what drives us to create... I assure you that no matter how ugly or strange you think you or anyone else looks, there is SOMEONE out there who finds it beautiful. And who is to say they are wrong or right?

i believe that a person who watches after one's body and has a strong personality is always beautiful<br />
so don't worry about that dating thing anyway<br />
<br />
and remember that the happier you are the more handsome you look

I do know what you mean. I watch women and girls ooh and ah over B Pitt, or Matthew McConaghey, and having been born less beautiful than they are myself I feel angered by females preoccupation with the particular arrangement of these famous actor's mOlecules. We are the same, the actors and I, we both have nice teeth, full heads of nice hair, lean muscular bodies, athleticism, charisma, intelligence, etc etc but the fact is, even though we are the same age, the same girl who creams her panties for those guys would tell me I'm too "old" for her...<br />
And its a lie, because I haven't had implants to rearrange the appearance of my face.. Because I'm not downright ugly, but I'm not very attractive either evidently. Nevertheless, all things are supposed to be created equally, so I get by, telling myself that somewhere, on some hidden or obscure level, I am better than them and in the end maybe I'm better off... I.e. What if Pitt is impotent? My ******* blow my mind.. What if Matt is gay, and all the femmes attention is for naught? Serves them right to waste their time, says I to me.<br />
So what if I am ugly, so what...<br />
I am still equal to everyone else...

I understand where you are coming from. Society has formed an elite club for the so-called beautiful people to the exclusion of most of the general population. Our self worth plummets as we realize we cannot ever measure up. Our critical inner voice instantly compares us to every person we meet, every day, all our waking hours: She's thinner than me, her legs are more shapely, her skin is more smooth, her hair cut more stylish, her clothing is more expensive, more stylish. It's hard to ignore the fact that beautiful people get the best jobs, the best opportunities, and the best dates. Several things I have found helpful: <br />
<br />
1) make the best of what you have. Remember that God created you the way you are for a reason. Take care of what he gave you. Good hygiene and a sincere smile go a long way to making you not only look nicer but feel better about yourself. Be clean and smile.<br />
<br />
2) kick the inner critic out! When you start to compare yourself to someone else, stop it. Until you stop comparing yourself with everyone else you will never be happy. No matter what you look like, there will always be someone that in your opinion looks better than you. Stop comparing.<br />
<br />
3) Remember "beautiful people" are no more happy than you are. Look at Hollywood.....enough said!<br />
<br />
4) Magnify the blessings you have been given and hang out with like-minded people. Beauty fades with age, society's definition of beauty is subject to change with each generation and culture. If you have talents or things you enjoy doing, improve your skills and be with others who enjoy what you enjoy. <br />
<br />
I like to paint and often held myself back from being around other artists because I felt mediocre. There I was again, comparing myself to others I perceived to be better than myself. But I stopped doing that and realized my talent belongs to me. My ex<x>pression on canvas says more about me than the middle-aged woman that the world sees. I am more beautiful when I am creating, despite my aging appearance. Other creative people appreciate who I am. <br />
<br />
As you said, you are so much more than your outward appearance, and as you discover your place in the world, your own beauty will radiate around you.

hey,you think too much!youre not ugly!!!

I was a bit worried for you at first, but the last paragraph put my worry to rest.<br />
<br />
I would like to have hair, but it's been so long since I lost it now, it's not a big deal. My Dad was mostly bald and I certainly inherited that from him.<br />
<br />
Now, if I think about it, I think of a quote from a friend's profile:<br />
"... those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"