Ugly? No Such Thing!

When you condemn yourselves for being ordinary in any way, not glamourous, not beautiful, not interesting to look at or to listen to or in general - there are two ways to approach this.

You can attempt to change - improve your appearance, learn to engage others in conversation, study various subjects, work on personality flaws.  This can be fun for some people and challenging.  If you are the type who loves to set goals, to work at something, this is the approach for you.

But there is another way to see yourself that I have come to appreciate from watching indie movies and art house movies.  You know the kinds I mean.  The slow moving slice of life movies that focus on every detail of a person and their life, no matter how insignificant - the kind of movie that honors the plain and the simple and makes them seem heroic and beautiful in their plainness and simplicity.

If you can manage to see yourself and your life the same way as this movie sees people and their lives you will see that you are beautiful and sacred and heroic just as surely as the subjects of these films are. 

Do not ever be afraid to celebrate the ordinary in your face, in your personality, because if you look and if you truly love what is there, you can elevate anything and everything to a place of dignity and grace.

You can manage to transform what you and others consider boring or slow into peace and tranquility.  It all depends on your approach.  You can transform what you and others consider plain or unattractive into something steady, real and earthy - even exotic in its uniqueness. It all depends on how you see yourself. 

You can bring beauty into your day and your style in small ways - flowers that light up your room, your favorite perfumes or desserts, treating yourself to books you love and music that makes you feel happy to be alive.  Watch how these movies work, my friends, and you will see how the camera focuses lovingly on the smallest thing - the sun gleaming on a vase, the careful way an old lady pours tea and how graceful and wonderful it seems.  The light in someone's eyes and the way they smile.

You can have this light in your life and in your face when you have a reason to live - when you love someone or something - when you fall in love with a pet, or a project, or even yourself for something you have done or something you are as a person that you have worked on and for which you are proud.

Some books recommend to cherish even your bad moods and your depression and darkness.  For in them you will find a new purpose.  Never fight the bad times or the bad things you feel.  Go with them and give them a sense of meaning.  Treat yourself with the kindness and attention these films bestow on the people in them.  And you will understand what I am trying to tell them.  You are as worthy of attention as these actors in these films who are being protrayed as plain and simple yet heroes of their own stories. Never be ashamed of your feelings, but give them plenty of time and love.

Then you may one day wake up and come to realize that you do not need to change at all.  Only if you truly want to, but never because you are inferior or "ugly".  Even broken glass shines and sparkles in the sun.  What is your sun?  What can make you shine?  Find out, sweethearts.  And then the word "ugliness" will be a word that you will never ever use again.

51-55, F
4 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Movies, indie or otherwise, involve fictional characters and fictional situations. All I care about is finding someone that I love and who loves me. With my looks, I can't get both. I have spent too long being unattractive with a positive attitude and nothing to show for it. I am beaten down, broken down, and realistic. This is a material world where looks count for 70% and personality counts for 30%. It fluctuates here and there, but it's pretty much around there, but I respect your opinion and it's a very positive message.

Ugliness is a matter of opinion.But the problem with some opinions is that they do not belong to the supposed "owner" who speaks of them.Some people can be brainwashed into some form of idealistic beauty.Like when the media says "thin and blond means beauty",some people begin to lose their independent thought and claim that statement as their own.Some independent thoughts come from immaturity like,"Eww,that girl is ugly because she has an extra toe!" I believe ugliness has more to do with what is in your heart.For example,there are some people out there considered externally "beautiful",but if I can see right through them,I may or may not agree.If they are pleasant people with good intentions despite their outward appearance as "ugly" or "pretty" I literally see that person as beautiful(to me.It doesn't matter,fat,thin,old,young,blonde,black,asian,native,etc)If the person is not pleasant and doesn't have good intentions,either way I see their faces and I see nasty things.It's hard to describe on the internet,but it's the best I can do for online.

That is true, EnigmaVest, it's how you see yourself that defines your reality, and if the rest of society is defining you as ugly, that can drag you down. It takes a lot to fight what people see and how they treat you. But if you have something to offer, something to say, something of value, why the hell should you hide away? You may avoid people and write from your PC to reach others and that is something,but this world is meant for you as well. This world is a world of appearance and matter, and we can never escape that. If you can manage to find your place in it, more power to you. There are some things people cannot take away from you or destroy, and as Victor Frankl wrote, "You may not be able to control many things, but you can always control your attitude towards those things". Sometimes my attitude plain sucks, but I refuse to give up or give in completely. I have some beauty in me despite all the ugliness and I am going to bring it out, no matter what people think.

Sure there is such a thing as ugly, or else it wouldn't be in our vocabulary. It's all fine and good to see YOURSELF as un-ugly, but if the rest of society sees it, then there's only so much a person can do to try to build a happy life, short of becoming a recluse, away from all forms human contact and judgment.