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It's How I Feel...

The title says it all I believe I'm unloveable. I have come to this conclusion based on how others treat me. Though I don't like to admit it, I'm used to people taking advantage of me then tossing me aside. I just want to be loved like the majority of people, I want to feel like my life has a purpose. I don't ask for much I'm a really simple person....which I often blame for my bad luck in relationships. Im not wild enough, tall enough, pretty enough. I just wish someone would give me a chance to prove that I can be everything...I just have to reach a level of trust first and understanding.
MaryAlias MaryAlias 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 9, 2011

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4get abou being wild tall or pretty enough coz if there's people in your circle that are gonna judge you on these things then you need new friends.<br />
goin by your profile pic you need not worry about bein pretty enough as you look gorgeous. msg me whenever you need a chat x, keep your head up

Aww poor thing, I relate.<br />
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But do not let yourself be flattened into a mindset of 'there is no purpose in living'.<br />
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The problem is, you are drawing in the same kind of people over and over because when you were a little girl you got signals from your first caregivers ( mother, father, whomever) that you had to please them or their demands, however confusing, in order to be deserving of their love.<br />
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You must have had critical or cold parents--a poor little wee girl, brand new, a fresh and blank page yet written on, comes into a world of narcissicistic adults that let her know their love is a conditional arrangement --so your boundaries were annihilated. You were never the important one that others moved anything around for to make happy or accommodate--although you were a precious child, you were criticized constantly or ignored, your fear, your emotional yearning ignored-- and you lived as a perpetual satellite to serve other's happiness or needs.<br />
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I was treated this way and as an adult I've found myself repeating the pattern of putting others ahead of me over and over--with the result of always being taken advantage of.<br />
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My mother let me know both in word and action that her needs were always first, the neighbor's needs were first, her social friends needs were first, everyone's needs came before mine.<br />
I was treated as a necessary nuisance, pretty much always disappointing my mother in one way or another. Certainly not someone to make any special provision for.<br />
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From this I learned to play the game but it meant that I developed a real sense that MY needs, MY worries, MY wants, MY boundaries were always less important than everyone else.<br />
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I think the is why we end up repeating the destructive patterns that hurt us as adults, that make us feel used and devalued.<br />
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IT'S WHAT WE LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE WORLD WORKS WHEN WE WERE TINY-- AND WE SAW IT'S HOW YOU GOT SOMEONE TO AT LEAST PAY ATTENTION TO YOU.<br />
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Trouble is, it's a false strategy that hurts us more.<br />
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So your job is to recognize that you're letting the same type of users into your life over and over--and understand that these types recognize you too--like you've got a sign on your forehead.<br />
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Recognize and STOP the action. RED FLAG is waving--pay attention--force yourself, don't make excuses for ANYONE even if you are irresistably drawn to them--THAT'S your codependent addiction at work and it's keeping you stuck and hurting.<br />
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Do not let another living soul use you...CUT IT the minute you see it coming--it's going to be hard because its what you've known and in a crazy way even though it is what hurts you, it is also comforting because it's familiar...but so is heroin familiar to a heroin junkie. And we know where that goes. <br />
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YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR WAYS, VALUE YOURSELF AND PROTECT YOUR BOUNDARIES. THIS WILL INCREASE YOU SENSE OF CONTENTMENT 1000 FOLD IN TIME. <br />
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it will also filter out the rats you're accustomed to.<br />
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Good luck and much love!<br />
Aquaverde