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My Hopeless Future

I am going to be a freshman in high school next year, and my therapist wants me to go to a boarding school. Except one problem, it is the middle of summer, and we still do not know where I am going... I am so scared because only 2 people talk to me now, and I know that I will lose them over summer, because I already am. I am so scared because I have no control over my future and no one talks to me and it is such a terrible feeling when you are so helpless. I am so alone. I am bulimic, anorexic, and I struggle with depression, self harm, severe anxiety ect. All of that is hard enough as it is. Today is my 3 month anniversary without self harm or purging, but my urges are still so high, and I am so tired of being so worthless and hopeless. I need to lose so much weight but I am not aloud to anymore... I just don't know how to deal with things besides falling back into my old habits which only ended me up in hospitals and programs... ;(
im0such0a0failure im0such0a0failure 13-15, F 4 Responses Jul 3, 2012

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imosuchoaofailure: Please don't be anorexic:( I know it's hard but girls are much more beautiful with some meat on them, girls are supposed to be womanly. Trust me, skinny girls look FARR less attractive than a cute chubby girl. Every guy agrees with me. All those size-0 models are absolutely disgusting looking. A girl needs to have a big *** and a little chubby belly:) So please try eat some more. Msg me in PM, i'm kinda worried!

You are very important

i no how u feel im in the same place my to friends r leaveing me but i have 2 b strong and like my dad told me and his dad told him 'we ask to b strong and we get a problem but when we go though it we become what we what' i have faith ull do grate and so what if u what too lose weigh i no with out hveing to look ur fine on ur own cuz u were made the way you are fore a reason

Hello im0such0a0failure, I just read your story. Congratulations on your 3 month anniversary yesterday! You should be very proud of yourself!

I can feel your hurt, confusion, and fear. You say you see a therapist. Can you call that person if your urges become too strong? I am a great deal older than you, and although we have different problems, if I can't talk to my psychiatrist I talk to a behavioral health specialist through my health insurance. There is always someone available, no matter what time or when I call. You could ask your therapist about it; perhaps they know of a number you can call when you need to.There might be a number on your health insurance card with more information. What about your parents or an adult relative or adult family friend whose opinion you value and trust?

When I get overwhelmed with depression I try to watch tv or read a book to distract me, or play with my cats, or come to Experience Project and see if I can talk with someone or share some thoughts and try to make their day better. I find it helps with my depression by reminding me I'm not alone, there are other people struggling as I am. It puts things in perspective.

I hope what I've shared with you will help, and give you alternate ideas when you are hurting and your urges feel like they are stronger than you. Good luck with your schooling, wherever it is at. If you'd like to talk to me again, just highlight my name on this comment and it will take you to my profile where you can write on my whiteboard. You can also reply to this comment and I will be notified to come see what you write.