I'm Not Sure Why It Bothers Me So Much.

Sometimes, and this is the truth, the only way to make a person understand is to have them fall on there face for them to finally realize there mistakes. Perhaps this is a moment in which this will happen. And all you can do is warn her that she is making a mistake. But at the end of the day all you can truly do is just be there. Your presence alone is vital to her, even though it may not seem that way. It is. You are not being used, you are in a chess game with this guy, for every warning you give her, chances are he gives her two more false hopes and promises. Just be there when she falls my friend, so you can help her back up....

This happens to me too; at home, and also here online. Have some EP friends who talk to me about their problems. I give them the best advice I can. Of course, I'm not a psychiatrist, (though I feel like I might be to them) I just hope this is good advice they consider.

Pray for God's wisdom to give the best advice.

sounds like atm she is in love with him, or thinks she is, so you're going to have a tough time convincing her of anything right now

there,s alot of problems you have to think about what you are getting yourself into sometimes theres people you wish that would open up like you and make wide choices but they dont double think about it they only want to do things for them that arent right people need to know alot of swituations that go on are not going to help people alwayes cheat or lie or start drama whitch for one thats 2 year old stuff number 2 sometimes people dont act thereselves is either because they are pretenders and or fake or they just take there feelings out the wrong way when people need help they should go to someone im alwayes a postive respetful person and i see things alot diffrent people just dont get it where are lies going to go and where are your actions going to put you im sick of getting cheated on i want a real relationship yeath im 18teen but im macher anough and i know right from from wrong and im very responsible i never cheat on anyone i go through depprsion because people dont understand what love is love is suppost to be a good thing fun happyness and ownesty and trust and stick with one person not blow them off like they are a peace of funture but if they hurt you they dont think or they are just loosers that dont want to mkae wide dessctions people alwayes sometimes want people for sex whitch is really stupid and sex is not the thing if you have sex with someone dont take that personal lol well if you do thats suppost to be love not because it feels good and you like it people need to open there minds and think about alott of things but it,s sad the way alot of people see the good ones and the other people just want to act fake and waste there time and it,s not right think before you do it ive been hurt so many times i cant trust nothing anymore and im still alone i alwayes try to be there for that person and help them but all i do is get ****** on apprently and i just want things to be better and i wish that alot of things would be diffrent in this world

i'd like to add another comment, which is probably similar from your whom-you-care-a-lot friends' point of view.

i've been in this relationship for 3 years on and off. i know that it is not my ideal relationship. i've left him too a few times. but i've been coming back to him. you know why? because i care a lot about him. as much as you care about your friends. it's human nature.

i think there is the time for everything to happen, and it has to go through all the dramas.

i also have friends like you telling me to leave him. and i totally agree with them! but i just can't do it for some reason!! i don't talk to them much anymore, because whenever we talk, it's always about "leave him, he's not good for you". i don't hate them. they're still around. and they will still be around to say "i told you so".

well, i've managed to make more friends, i'm going for a holiday overseas for a month. i've started asking around about going back to school. and i'm really planning to move to another state where i lived previously. i'm getting closer to that "time" when something has to happen.

First of all, let me just say that I have heard all that you have said a million times, and a million times over in my lifetime. Not because I have experienced it first-hand, or perhaps because I HAVE, but from the other perspective. And, in all honesty, I think we all have had our fair share of advice-seeking, even if we weren't necessarily guaranteeing that we'd follow it. It's not that we are making "stupid choices." To you, they may be just so, but to us, they are the choices that we are hoping and praying will get us where we want in life. Everyone needs to make their own choices in life, but nobody should have to make them all alone. That's what friends are for; to offer their advice and 'words of wisdom.' That doesn't mean we will listen or follow. We just want to see what other options there are out there before we go and leap without looking. Look at the bright side: at least these people are contemplating the situation. And better yet, coming to you for help! You all seem so quick to conclude we are doing our own thing out of spite or that we don't care or maybe are just too stubborn to see an alternative, but that's not the case. Personally, some of you seem to have fallen victim to hypocrisy here. Just as you expect your friends to see your point of view, why not try looking at things from their point before you go "not giving a damn anymore." I mean, think about it: The difference between your opinion and that of your friend is that you are looking at the situation from a third-person angle, allowing you to think rationally about what is supposedly best. You can look at bits and pieces of everything (i.e. partner behavior, baggage, etc.) and come up with a logical solution. From the first-person standpoint, there are emotions and little minute details that may have been neglected to be mentioned when explaining the situation when asking for advice. You don't know everything there is to know about another person's life, so (as alenahennessy had said) don't assume you do and respect each other's boundaries. Best of luck to the both of you.

It's. not. about. you.

You may truly be concerned about your friend's situation in life. But when you are so upset and frustrated that she doesn't take your advice, you are also saying that she is rejecting you. Don't be disingenuous about your motives here.

You make an assumption that your friend wants advice. She could be looking for many other things. A sympathetic ear from someone she trusts; someone to sit with her in her pain. A sounding board for her to work things out on her own. Knowing that she is not alone.

Advice from friends is cheap. If your friend truly wanted "advice" to get out of her situation, there are libraries and bookstores filled with self-help books that will tell her exactly what she needs to hear without having to deal with a "friend" who is subtly looking down his/her nose at her. Strangers on the street can tell her exactly the same thing.

You truly want to help your friend? Read up on a technique called "reflective listening," also called "active listening," or 'Rogerian listening." In this process, you restate to her what she is saying, using different words. Your friend may not be able to hear what she herself is truly saying to you. By offering a restatement of her words, based on your own authentic self, you may be able to show her the situation in a way she has never seen before. She probably needs that more than "advice." I can tell you from professional experience that this method works, and works well.

Do I sound angry? You bet. I have an entire family who wants nothing more than to display their superiority over me by offering me the same kind of "advice" you speak of offering. And if one were to look at the lives of my family members, one would see that they need "advice," too.

Yeah, that really annoys me when my friend ignores my advice as well. My friend is sort of in the same situation as yours but she is a lot younger - and more arrogant.

giv her d advice, wait 4 her to ignore it n den learn a lesson, n den giv her di told u so look, sevral times, dis way atleast she wil stop using u to pour out her agonies, n beware carryin around odr peopl's baggage makes one lose perspective f one's own priorities

Here's the thing. I've been on both ends of the friendship and I can tell you this: it's not that she doesn't value your opinion or doesn't care what you have to say, it's simply that most of us don't want to hear what we know is the truth deep in our hearts because it hurts. True friends will say it anyway, but don't take it personally if she doesn't follow your advice. In the long run, she will love you for giving it regardless. And don't stop caring. Caring is what makes you such a good friend and she is lucky to have such a friend.

When they say love is blind, believe me and everyone that had to learn who could think back and agree LOVE IS BLIND! She will realize that this man has plenty of baggage coming from his divorce and will realize that she doesn't like what's in his bag and I'm not talking about whats in his pants. I'm talking about the baggage of his old ways that he needs to assess to realize that in order to make a change for a new relationship he needs to acknowledge the things he's done in that marriage that it didn't work. Because both parties get divorced both had their part that lead to the divorce. What is this man able to recognize that he did that he wants to make some positive change for his new relationship. Now that's just one issue, next issue is if he had children she better forget about being number one on his list cause his children will be his 1st priority. She may be daydreaming now, he's probably her first good hit, believe it love is blind. She will learn that love is an action word and were not talking sex either, Love is not a word. Sometimes people will have to fall hard face first to get a wake up call, until then her dearest friend could only give good advise and take a step back and let her own friend make her choices because sometimes the worst experiences are the best lessons in life that she will learn from.
But Still continue to be there as a friend, but when she complains of all the things that he's doing that you already warned her just tell her if you don't like it change it and if your not going to make a change, then shut up and put up and deal with it.

Sometimes all you can do is sit back and watch it happen. in order for her to learn or people in general they have to fall in order to know that someones there wanting to catch them. This is usual. She may or may not end up getting hurt, but it's most likely that she will.. and she may allow it too keep happening. Some people don't know where to go from being hurt. It's all they ever know. She will see. You can't say you didn't try.

I am the naive person, I forced myself to be come that person, because desire..

THATS WHY YOU SHOULDNT GIVE ADVICE YOU IDIOT