Trying To Rebuild A New Life

Hi all, i just wanted to tell my story in the hope that it might help others in some way. I was married young at 18, and had four children, i was married for twenty years to a narcisist. I was a devoted Catholic, and believed that things would get better and that i should stay in the marriage. I suffered years of mental abuse and had no confidence. One night a friend of mine dragged me out to a local club, where i met the most amazing, charming man. Over a few weeks we had contact the odd coffee and chat, he was so symapthetic, and attentive and loving and made me feel so great. We began talking for hours and one day he suggested that he had a spare room in his house and that i should leave my husband. I was so desperate to leave my husband i just upped and moved out the next day. My Prince charming was waitng open arms for me. He showered me with affection, and treated me like a princess, he told me how my decision was right and that he would always be there for me no matter what. He sympathised that my life had been so awful and promised me that he would give me the best life ever, i totally believed him and fell straight into his arms. For the first few months he spent hours talking to me i told him my whole life story, and he was so perfect so loving and kind, i felt for the first time, loved. Gradually bit by bit, he began to change, wanting me to divorce my husband quickly and marry him. I wanted time, my children were very upset and i did not want to cause more trauma, i saw my children daily, and was arranging a way that they could live with me. Over a few weeks his moods would suddenly change he would become aggressive and angry over the slightest things. He would monitor where i went and one night when my friend visited he created a huge argument with her and stopped her coming over. He knew many things about me, and began to threaten me, saying if i left him he would contact all my family and cause chaos, also he would kill me. I had found out from old friends and relations of his that he had done many bad things in the past, most of them had no contact with him. They used the term he is "crazy". My husband totally stopped me contacting my kids and i began to get legal help to see them. He began stalking me driving past my new home daily. I began to get deppressed and cried a lot, all i wanted was my children back. He did not like this and began to go everywhere with me, he broke my mobile, and even locked me in the bathroom one day to stop me going out. He began to lose his temper more often over the slightest thing and began to hit me, my face would be so bruised that i could not go outside. He had taken my bank card and was in complete control of my money. I was so scared of him, and also so embarrassed at the mistake i had made. I was so full of guilt for leaving my kids and became totally depressed and reliant on him. One weekend he had to go away and he could not take me as i had a bad bruise on my face, so he had to leave me alone. He warned and threatened me that if i went he would come after me and kill me. I was full of fear when he went but then decided to run. I had no money and had to walk miles to my mums house, she helped me straight away we called womens aid a womens charity that helps women escape bad relationships. They placed me in one of their hostels, where he found me. I was moved six times in total and five of those he found. It is now been 3 years since i left my husband, and i am living alone in a studio flat, and have constant contact with my children, they often stay a few days a week with me and we are rebuilding a relationship up again. As for prince charming, the last time he contacted me was six weeks ago, it was not direct he stoppede my sister in the street and asked about me, she was well prepared and did not give him any information. He still persists, but i wont visit places he knows and i have started making a new social network of friends etc. I just want to offer the little advice i can, and that is, do stop all contact with them and start a new, and however fearful you are contact the police no matter what. Also however much you still love them, they will never change, they are ill. Be strong and be careful. 
kassi100 kassi100
5 Responses Jul 27, 2010

It's very painful I know I fell in love with a psychopath and now I jus ended up wanting to die

It is a year later from these posts; I SO hope you are still safe happy in good/safe shape...I so admire you sharing these stories..You told them very well.. A pity more people don't check these writings out...Your's (and mine) are stories worth reading----------on this subject. <br />
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Be Well. Enjoy Your life's Journey in Peace and in Love....LR

wow, good on you. Perhaps he found a new victim.... at any rate, i am very happy for you that you found peace :)

I jut wanted to update, it has now been 4 months since he last made contact , and i am adapting to single life well and i enjoy it so much. I feel so much stronger than i used to be and more positive about life. I still have moments of fear and i seem to freeze if there is confrontation, but generally i am doing ok. I have done a lot of research on pyschopaths and it does say if they no longer have use for you they just vanish, i am hoping this is the case.

what an a$$shole and a loser. good on you you were able to get away.