Am I Crazy?

I feel crazy! Not as crazy as normal today though. I don't feel angry, or sad, or manic. i should write this before I go crazy. So when I get manic, or sad, or angry, it's weird because I don't always remember what happens or what I did. And when I'm somewhat normal and not crazy, I panic 24/7. Normal me wouldn't do half the **** I do when I go crazy. Normal me would be too panicked to even leave the house. So how is it that when I'm manic, I run around topless, or do lots of reckless things. How is it that when I'm sad, I cut myself or think about suicide. When I'm angry I punch and throw things. How are any of these things possible? Normal me has panic disorder and OCD. Normal me never leaves the house or does anything dangerous. So how can I do all of these things and not remeber that I've done them? How do I suddenly overcome my panic disorder and do lots of dangerous life threatening things?? And why am I constantly paranoid?