I Am Past the Point of Caring...

Ive felt this way for about a year and a half now, its a constant ongoing of sad-ness im feeling, i feel everyday there is a black cloud over my head, i have no dreams or goals anymore. im just going with the flow and being pushed in directions that my family and friends think i should go in. I don't know what right and whats real anymore, infact ive got to a stage where i wonder if i am actually alive.

I drink more, and feel the only time i am ever remotly happy is when i drink. My dad has clinical depression and im starting to think, its gone through the genes, you know.

I cant really explain how i feel, and i never can, ive tried to explain to people about a million times and i have no idea what im trying to get across, my brain is burnt out. Im just thinking when will this awful rollercoaster stop because i'm not liking it, i would never commit suicide but somedays i look forward to the day i am going to die.

Some days i feel worse than ever, like i have no idea what i am doing, theres whole days that have been a blur because i just sleep, cry and i am anxious for a full day.

sheshigh sheshigh
18-21, F
Feb 25, 2009