Don't Want to Hurt Him
He is a sweet man. A wonderful man. A man that deserves the best he can find.
But I think I made a huge mistake. I feel more and more that I married him for all the wrong reasons... very, very wrong reasons. Reasons like safety, security, being a good person... not for reasons like love, desire, passion.
No, I don't mean passion as in sex... I mean passion as in that drive you feel to simply see the other person. To simply be near them, to be part of their world. To share your world with them.
And he has changed too. He is not the same person that waited for me at the end of the aisle. He does not take care of things the way he did when we were dating: bills, repairs, maintenance... and that gets under my skin. It leaves me feeling alone, battling daily life by myself. And I am starting to resent him for that.
But the kids love him so much. And deep down he really is a good man. sweet. kind. And totally loves me.
But I don't love him. I am shamed to say that I am not sure I ever really did. And there are only two ways out, and both ways will hurt them all. But it does not show him any honor at all to force him to stay a lifetime with someone that does not feel the same way he does. A good man like him deserves better than that. Better than what I can offer him.