Sometimes.  I Mean I&#...

Sometimes.  I mean I'm not going to lie.  I've had crushes on a few guys since Dave and I got together.  And I even asked myself what it would be like to be with a one of them.  I wouldn't say that I'm actively falling for any of my best friends right now but there's always that tinge of curiousity.  I remember a specific incident with a friend of mine in college and me.  Dave and I had a particiularly bad fight that day (it wasn't uncommon at that point in time) and he decided he was going to walk me to my doctors' office.  I was telling him everything that was going on and he stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk.  He hugged me the tightest I had ever been hugged and said to me, "I'm not letting go until you say that you're ok."  I thought that was incredibly magical.  No guy had ever been that interested in my feelings or well-being in my life.  But I knew good and well that things could never be.  And it wasn't even from my end of the spectrum.  He was moody, impuslive, ultra-sensitve, and completely selfish.  We would never be able to be.  Again, I still get teary-eyed everytime I think about it.

Another friend of mine and I just recently had a breakthrough in our "relationship".  We've had a "thing" going for years and some things came to pass that made me feel special.  It's not like I haven't been told that I'm special, wonderful, beautiful, or any of the things he's said but the way he said them felt so passionate and truthful.  And I think about the way things could be with him (he's younger than I am) and I realize that it couldn't last.  He's too young to be making the same kind of life decisions that I'm making at this moment and I don't want to feel like I'd be pressuring him into it.  Another thing is that he wants to go a seperate direction than I want to and I don't want to complicate that.  I know that if we were to become an item I'd be able to persuade him otherwise but I don't want to alter the choices and lifepath he has chosen to suit my own.  That has never been been something I wanted to do with him (no matter how much I feel for him).  So I have to stand on the sidelines as I have been doing for years now.

I think about these passionate moments in comparison to my own relationship and know that they don't compare.  It's like apples to oranges.  They are unique and intense and as we know with the brightest stars, they die the quickest.  I might feel so much for these people but I can't count on them being steadfast as I do with the one I'm in the relationship with.  My relationship isn't romantic, intense or crazy it's warm and comfortable and I think that's what counts the most in the long run.  Even if I have to sacrifice some of my happiness with it.

theophania theophania
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 23, 2007

why do u have to sacrifice happiness? u can have it all u know. i mean, give me a break just cuz someone says something a few times that sounds like a song it don't make him a singer....they are just apples or oranges like the rest. i am sure the orange (or apple) you are do unhappy with can sing at some point...and those other dudes won't always sing either....all fruit stink at times and all fruit taste good sometimes u just gotta be in tune.