Drained...

No one wants to admit the fact that something has not gone the way they wanted it to. I have realised that I find it very difficult to let go of a situation. I will hold on until every last drop of hope has been drained out of it, also draining me in the process. I thought it was good to be optimistic, give people the benefit of the doubt but then it is that exact belief that has hurt me the most.
I tried to hold onto the fact that it would turn around, become something good, something i wanted it to be where in reality deep down i knew from the beginning I was setting myself up to be hurt as he was not the lovely guy I wished he would be, but i held onto the hope that he was. I made excuses and reasons, convincing myself that this time i would be happy where in reality all i was doing was setting myself up for a bigger fall.
Now I still cant help but hold on and hope that it somehow magically turns my way and into something beautiful, I still dont want to give up. But I know I am only hurting myself because he doesn't care enough to appreciate my efforts. So I guess I just need to move on.
CalypsoChisisi CalypsoChisisi
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 11, 2012

do you think he cares about you at all? please answer that and perhaps i can understand what you mean a little better.

Sadly now I dont think he does care about me, I'd like to think he does but he does not show me enough effort to make me believe it. I think he is just looking for someone to mess about it with and have when he want on his terms and worst of all I am considering it just so I can keep him in my life any way I can. I dont know why I want to keep him around that badly. I dont even know him well enough to have fallen this hard. -_-

like just for sex?

Yeah pretty much

has he every shown real affection, if so tell me what he has said or done for you?

No not really, it was a one time things but we had been speaking before and after. I have him the opportunity to get out of it, a get out clause, saying that its okay if sex is all it was for him but i would rather know before i pursue it. He said no he wanted to see how it goes so that gave me hope of something more. But since then has not made much effort and when he has made out like he is bothered and offered to come and see me, He cancelled. So I feel like im waiting for someone that doesnt care and im losing sleep over someone that doesnt over me. when I finally get to the point where I say i am not going to bother anymore he contacts me and all the progress i have made is lost. I know I will jump when he says so.

look you need to play him the way he is playing you. find a new hottie and throw it in his face dont make yourself to available and when you do see him you need to look hot as hell. then you will see if he even cares at all, with all that done if he still doesnt care you need to move on but if he does care you need to play the game and string him along!

do you talk everyday?

yeah but finding a new hottie is easier said than done haha
and even if i did showing him i had one is even harder seeing as I dont see him.
We rarely talk now unless i start conversation and even then sometimes I dont get replies or very pathetic ones. So I have stopped trying.
Thing is i feel like it needs to just be cut off, I know thats what would be the right thing, but what I know is good and what I want to do are 2 very different things.
Most of all I feel stupid for falling for someone i barely know so quickly coz i never do that and for wanting to hold onto to someone that doesnt make any effort with me, coz thats not me at all. I havent even broken down like this over a guy I have known for significantly longer, but something about him and this whole situation has broken me. To add to the complications there may be a possibility that something happened between him and my sister in the past, this is something i found clues of just recently after **** has gone down. My sister however doesnt even know me and him talk. But this may be me jumping to conclusions.
I feel like I just come out of some soap opera, is this really life?

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