Have Been Thinking About It For Years

Yes, it's true. I've been married 7 years and have thought of divorcing my wife for at least the last 4 years. It's just that when things are bad, they are REALLY bad. I don't blame her entirely; I admit I am partly to blame. You see, we both have bad tempers, though I think hers is worse than mine. Of course, she thinks mine is worse than hers. The only reason we're still together is bacuse of the kids but more and more I think that's not a good reason to saty in a marriage that's not satisfying.

And in case anyone is thinking we should seek counseling and/or I should try harder. Well, sought counseling - three times - and have got no better at resolving conflicts. I've tried, too, again and again but I've gotten to the point that I just don't care to try anymore. I'm 48 years old and life is too short to waste away years. I'm not a fool to think life is greener on the other side (though one never knows); I simply want to be at peace; to be my own person and have the freedom to live my life as I wish.
think2much think2much
46-50, M
9 Responses Dec 21, 2010

Be happy. There's a reason you don't want to be there. Accept that many will turn on you, and blame you for "wrecking a happy marriage" due to your "selfishness"; but maintain your resolve. Personally, I think guilting people to stay in loveless marriages is selfish.

Best of luck to you.

After I received my divorce decree I felt dejected and like a failure even though I was the one who initiated it. I loved him very much however I knew it was the right thing to do since we argued and fought all the time and his drinking and drug use did not help matters either. The divorce was final 5 years ago, we talked a few times a couple of years ago, had closure and everything was cool, he moved to another state and moved on with someone else as did I.

You are correct, life is too short for unhappiness to be a constant in your life. From reading your story it sounds like you have your mind made up. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts but you know the consequences of remaining in the familiar. After everything is said and done, coming home to an empty house and hearing the silence will seem strange at first and you will have some emotional setbacks, but keep going forward. My grandmother always said, "Never get back with your ex because you will quickly reminded of why they became your ex in the first place." You need to stay focused on the peace of mind you currently do not have but deserve. Good luck

I don't know what everyone wrote but, you sound like my husband except that we've only been married one year. We're in our early 40's and he's the one with the temper, my issues are different. I avoid fighting with him and become I'm passive-aggressive when I'm frustrated. Either way, we ALL want to be happy. Maybe there's another way to look at your marriage? Have you tried any alternative relationship-building exercises? One question, how would you feel if you didn't have a spouse?

You and i have alot in common, 18 years of marriage ,4 marriage counselors , bad tempers, stayed together for the kids, lets face it its over. We live in a society that embraces divorce and cheating, and i dont know about you but the prospect of getting married again scares the hell out of me! But i long to be with that one special woman that will be my everything, and im her everything. Life is to short to be someones doormat, so what do we do? Take a leap of faith and hope for the best? The more i read on this site the more my concern grows, is there true love and commitment left in this world or is it as it seems dog eat dog? Hope everything works out for you, and best of luck to you.

Wow I've only been married for 5 yrs and I'm ready to say **** you I want this to b over I'm only 32 with 3 kids and he's 34 he both had fun dating we dated for 4 yrs before we got married and now he looks at other woman and I look at other men we both are very flirty I just think its time for it to b over

Well thinktomuch here is my story quick and simple. I love my ex wife dearly and when we were on we were the super couple when we were off we had wars to end all wars. The last three years we drifted apart. She recently had an online affair i found out and packed a bag and left without even a conversation. She threatened me to take everything an tie me up in court for years. My asnwer was have everything i will have my sanity this is all i need i can replace everything else. I do not have kids but have love her since i met her at the age of 14. Since then i feel such a sense of relief i am able to laugh and be happy again work is fabulous and she clls every 3 days begging to get back together. <br />
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Trsut me i want notning from her and she can have everything i have enough confidence that i will replace all those things plus with her i would never have had those things. <br />
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So i agree with nickyheart ( thumbs up nicky) and forget what deersla<x>yer says.. Nothing is worth more than your happiness.

Thanks for sharing, you give me hope and encouragement! I know in my heart life will be better for me once i leave, but it hurts so much right now.

Well you guys, is funny for me to read man talking about this things. I have been married for 8 years and I have beong sad most of that time, hi travels a lot and sometimes from the year I only see him a few times. I know he loves me and I love him very much but I know that being always separated has created a bridge between us. I don't want to hurt him but a this pont I know the best solution and really getting separated, I don't want nothing from him; we own a business that is really mine so I figure I could keep my job and he can keep all the rest of out posetions to be fair. I know many woman fight for the half of the pention and such I just want him to be happy and to keep my business all the rest I don't care.<br />
I have no idea how to tell him, how to do it without hurting him. I know no matter the way it will be painful.<br />
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Is so hard.

Been there done that. Was in a terrible marriage. Fought all the time. Finally decided it was never going to get better. Plus it was better for the kids to not be fighting all the time. I never regretted divorcing her. It was the smart move and now we get along Ok. One other thing. Talk to your doctor about an anti depressant like Lexapro. It can help keep your stress and temper under control. Good luck.

hey, your story kinda like mine only different, lol, ive been married for 27 years am now separate, if you like being alone, lots of quiet time, being lied about, having to give up half of what you have +, then go for it. if not try to work it out , it sucks either way

It only sucks if you THINK it sucks; life is what you make of it.