Groundhog Day.....I've been married to L for 23 years. We have two kids - 17 and 13. We both work and make good money. Neighborhood is great. Kids are great. And frankly, I'm the husband that many women wish they had. Granted, that looks rather arrogant and conceited, but the truth of the matter is I'm very good at being a husband and father. Most women tell me this frequently. L does on occasion....
I provide a great income and lifestyle. I'm always there for my family. I do dishes, wash clothes, run kids to their activities, and anything else that needs to get done. I'm 6'2" and a fit 230. I work out 5 days/week. I have a strong libido and never had ED issues. In any event, you get the picture. No more resume info needed, but I wanted to paint the picture to reduce the amount of questions. I'm not the douche bag couch potato who watches sports all day long and emotionally neglects his family.
My issue is I go above and beyond to make my marriage and family work. L doesn't. She gives priority to other things (like her profession). She's a very good mother, and she's the kind of person who would help you if you needed help. Unfortunately, she's a very average wife. This is where I struggle as I strongly believe I deserve better.
L & I have been through counseling - which I started for us. She had a hard time with the candor and we ended up stopping the sessions. The truth hurts and it was a very "raw" process.
Today, we just continue to plug along as if everything is hunky dory but it's not. I call it benign neglect, and freqenly refer to it a Groundhog Day or SSDD (same **** different day). I want a divorce and she knows it. I love L, but she is not capable of being the person I need as a partner long term. L will never even consider a divorce and continues to believe that our relationship will weather the storm. She loves me very much and hopes for a better outcome. Unfortunately "hope" is not a course of action. We have issues and differences she is simply unwilling or incapable of addressing.
If my kids were out of the house, I'd be gone tomorrow. Unfortunately that's about 5 years away. I can do another 5 years, but I'm no spring chicken. Being 50 and single doesn't sound so hot, but it is what it is. I've considered having affairs, but my legacy as a good man and father has prevented me from going down that path thus far. It's tempting though.
I really want a vibrant love life and that's not possible with L. We have sex maybe twice a month. I would prefer 3-4 times a week. She's very conventional. I like to spice it up. We're simply two different people.
Some days when I get mad, I'm ready to retain a lawyer the next day. I just don't want my kids to hurt and delaying that hurt until they're young adults seems to be the best course of action at the moment. In the mean time, I continue to lose out on having a healthy love life and satisfying relationship.
Groundhog Day continues....
WallyCleaver 46-50 9 Responses 3 Sep 8, 2011