What Happened?Two years ago I married my husband. I have known him since high school and I could have sworn he was a great guy. We were happy at first. He had a son by a previous marraige which lasted less than a year. He lived with his mom, though he made plenty of money. I was working then, as well. After we got married and moved in together I got pregnant and was very ill and restrained to bed rest. He stopped getting his son when he was supposed to and I realized why he had been living with his mom. He did not want to take care of his son, so his mom did. And when we got married, I did. He continually wanted to "go out" still, and did. Sometimes alone, sometimes with me in a wheel chair. I ended up in the hospital last January with preeclamsia and our son was born 7 weeks early. He was very very sick. He had two major surgeries and numerous "procedures" while he was in NICU. I stayed with our son the whole 72 days he was there at the Ronald McDonald House and my husband stayed at home. I rarely recieved a call or visit, and when I did, he did not want to visit the baby, he wanted me to have sex with him. When I told him I was physically unable after having a c-section, and continually high blood pressure, he seemed upset and would not call for a week at a time.
After our son came home from NICU, he told our family and friends that he was there a lot which was a lie and they knew it. He did work a lot- 60 hours a week so I didn't deny it (you have to pick your battles). A few weeks after our child came home, he was volunteering for extra shifts at work, saying we needed the money when we didn't. We rarely saw him. On the weekends when he was not at work he would say he was tired and so I let him not helping with anything slide. Then his work started cutting hours, and then pay. When I worked I made twice as much as he did, so I said I would go back and he could stay home with the boys. His son was 4 and ours was 5 months old, still with numerous problems, and he said that it scared him to even think about handling them alone. I had been doing it since our son came home from the hospital, so he took a different job with less hours, easier work, and much better pay. He did not like the job at first and explained to me every day when he came home how it was my fault that he had to take it. Eventually, he started to like it more than his first job. But he would still come home and claim tired. One Saturday in July, I asked him to take care of the kids while I went with a friend to lunch and he exploded. He told me I could not go, I could not spend HIS money, I could not drive HIS truck and leave my car, and that my friend was stupid and that he hated her.
I had never been told I couldn't before. I'm not innocent in this, I blew off some steam onto him as well about how he never offered to hold the baby or cook or do even his laundry. He got up and left. He was gone 4 days, and when he came back he acted like I shouldn't have cared where he was. Since then, the only time he helps is when we have company. Not before they get there (I hold the baby while cooking and cleaning), but just when people arrive. He always wants to "get someone to watch them" and would every day of the week if I allowed it, but he never will call and ask anyone to do it. I have to. He wants to have sex with me all the time but he goes days without saying anything to me, and when he does speak, its like a volcano of anger. Most of the time in front of the kids. He thinks I'm cheating on him (he is a repeat offender in cheating), he lies to me about the most ridiculous stuff- like what he had eaten that day, and recently has opened a seperate bank account to deposit his check in. He gives me an allowance.. for groceries, gas, his car payment, his 4 wheeler payment, insurance, the electric bill, and gas bill. There is NEVER any extra. His only responsibility is to get the rent to the owner of our house and just today I found out he has not paid the rent this month.
If I leave him, I will never see his son- who is like my son- ever again. He swears if I leave he will sue for custody of our son and I won't be allowed to see him. It will never happen. He doesn't even know where his diapers are.
I am at my wits end.
dancingfree 22-25, F 4 Responses 0 Jan 23, 2012