I'm Scared To Divorce And Scared Not ToMy wife and I have been married for 11 years and have two amazing sons aged 10 and 7. They are my life. My wife suffers from anxiety disorders. When she is on her medication, she is fine. The problem is that she can't be counted on to take her medication and when she doesn't she is impossible to live with. When we first met, she felt like home. I felt safe being with her. Throughout the years and her yelling, temper tantrums, threats to leave with my sons, etc., I've gone from feeling like she is my home to feeling on edge, nervous, and scared of the next big blowup. I can't count on her to be a partner or an adult. This led to a loss of desire to be intimate with her, leading to her unhappiness with the marriage as well.
In October I told her I wanted a divorce. She ended up having an emotional breakdown and was admitted to the hospital psychiatric unit after a half-hearted suicice attempt where she was diagnosed with the anxiety disorder (this wasn't news to us. We knew she had these issues). With the hospital stay and subsequent caring for my sons, I loss the stomach to follow through and stayed in the marriage. Since coming home, she had faithfully taken her medication and seemed like a new person. That was until a few days ago. First, she lost her camera, which drove her to the brink. And then the next morning she was running all over the house straightening up, but she was yelling at us, throwing things, slamming things, just acting unstable. Her behavior was scaring all of us to the point that my youngest son began to cry. After she yelled at him for being scared, we got into a heated argument.
When I got into work after this she called me to admit that she had stopped taking her meds weeks before. I was floored. A mere ten weeks after I told her that her threats, fits of rage, and inability to handle anything was forcing me to leave and a stay in the psychiatric unit she decided to stop taking her prescribed medication. I feel like I am done. I can't trust her to do what she needs to do for me and our sons and I can't go on afraid of anything in our lives going wrong and what her reaction would be.
My fear is for my boys. As with all kids, we are their lives. And they are mine. I can't bear to think about sitting them down to tell them we are divorcing. I know that my wife would want to move back to where she grew up if we are to split. Their parents' divorce would be traumatic enough, but leaving the home they've grown up in to move across the state is even worse. While I believe my wife is unstable, I don't think I could convince a judge that I should get primary custody. My wife has divorced before and the horror stories I've heard about her behavior during that divorce scares the hell out of me. The fact that she had stopped taking her meds (and since restarted) could help me get custody, but it's not guaranteed. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach, but the idea of trying to muddle through a bad marriage also makes me sick.