Been Thinking Of Divorce For A Long Time...

Im a successful, independent, young woman. Been married for 5 years going on 6. Ive been supporting him all of these years. Got myself through graduate school, and now Im working full time and have a part tme practice. He, on the other hand, has been following a business dream but has not brought in any steady income. I pay everything. We never do anything, dont go out to movies or dinners or lunches. Ive never been on vacation. If we do anything, its expected that i pay. Holidays and special days are not celebrated. Hes lazy, doesnt clean or cook, doesnt do anything without my insistent nagging. People around me who know the situation say hes taking advantage of me, for years i didnt want to accept it because i wanted to believe he loved me. Now? I believe he is taking advantage and i regret the marriage. He is in a complicated situation but many people in this situation can find work. He just refuses because he wants to achieve his business dream on my dime. Ive shared with him my feelings of anger and resentment. He says he understands, but still hasnt done anything to change, still pursuing that dream. Im tired and lonely. i dont have many friends and i worry how ill get through a divorce without support. Part of me also will miss the friendship we have but lately the friendship has been infused with resentment as well. I am ambivalent and conflicted but need to make a decision. I wonder if separation would be better? Im scared to be alone.
Soon2bdoclem Soon2bdoclem
1 Response May 12, 2012

Hello dear<br />
I think I can understand your fears. May be fears is not the correct word to describe your feelings. But this word exactly matched what I felt dealing my divorce.<br />
The moment I realized that there is no way but to divorce the only hope I had then that finally I will be okay. Frankly there were nothing real to give me this hope. It was just hope.<br />
I have to let you know that there are some differences between us. I divorced more than 20 years ago and I am a man.<br />
But one thing made my story and feelings much stronger then yours. I had two children when I divorced and my major fear was to lose my relationship with them.<br />
I told you that to let you see that each story has its own fears and complications but finally you should know one and the most important thing – every closed door automatically opens a new one or even more doors.<br />
You should be prepared that to get out off the divorce could take about a year.<br />
This first year probably will be a year off loneliness and doubts. You have to be strong.<br />
Try to be amongst people by spending more hours at work. Try to make trips during your weekends.<br />
Then your mind and heart will be free of the old stuff and ready to a new life.<br />
The next important thing that you have to know is that after these hard year we will feel absolutely free of any obligations towards anyone. This feeling is a kind of a trap.<br />
There is a good chance that you will start getting out with many people trying to compensate the years you lost with your unsuccessful marriage. If this period of your life it will be longer than another year or two there is a good chance that it will be difficult to get out of this. You have to listen to your heart in order not to lose your second chance in your life.<br />
Good luck and don't be afraid to make decisions.