Nowhere To Go.

I am a 31 year old man, I have been married for 5 years. No kids.
We both make the same amount of money and we have a generally good marriage.
But I think I want a divorce.
Yes, it is low sex/no sex.
Yes, I feel I am second class.... to the dog (no joke).
Yes, I am really no longer attracted to her.
Yes, I have had an affair- and now I am not sure how that is playing on my feelings now- but it sure as hell got me "here" in life.
Yes, everyone on her side knows about my indiscretions and tell her to leave me

BUT

A part of me wants to have what we had on our first day of marriage.
A part of me wants to have enough courage for this road of atonement that I need to address if I come back to her.
A part of me is concerned that marriage will be great the first few months after we makeup- but it will go back to the same problems.

I am not sure what to do. I have reflected. I know what I have done wrong- I justify my actions as a symptom of a bad marriage and not the sole cause of how I ended up here.
We have done counseling last year and it didn't work.
I am afraid I am leaving a good woman for the wrong reasons.
I am afraid of lifelong regret :(

Slois71x Slois71x
31-35
3 Responses May 14, 2012

I know what you mean by "emptyness"... Days go by, we are all just trying to make a living...theres nothing too bad going on and there are days when you are thinking : its not that bad, there are people in far worse marriages than mine... But your are not happy either...feeling like your life is passing you by. <br />
Well, theres nothing you can do, but make a decision... But before you act on it be damn sure its what you want.

That's the problem. There is nothing wrong, just emptiness. I am afraid if I work at this, try my best etc I will end up on these forums asking the same question in 1 year again- a year of my life that I should have been moving on..... this is so difficult

Theres only one way to avoid a lifetime regret, to honestly try your best to save your marriage. Its hard work, im not saying its easy, but look at it this way - you have nothing to lose by trying (except a bit of time), you ll either get back the marriage you want or you ll come to the definite conclusion that theres nothing to regret and you can stil leave, but then at least you ll know that you ve tried and it didnt work out. Staying as you are now is the worst option for you.