I Think I Want a Divorce
It's the POINT of NO RETURN!
And I am afraid....I've JUMPED RIGHT IN!
Here's my story:
I've been married for over 16 years, met my husband after graduating from college and was introduce 3 times, on 3 different OCCASIONS by previous boyfriends who I had been dating.
I knew that life was short, so I decided to TAKE THE PLUNGE to apease society, my mother and the views of others who feel women should get married, have childre, raise a family!
In the beginning it was never IDEAL, it was never a FAIRY TALE. I had no expectations of a man, nor a husband. For I too am a product of a DIVORCE family, am I product of being a latch-key kid, a single parent raised by a strong matriach. But hell it was FUN (oops diverting off the subject).
Anywho intially the marriage counselor/presiding minister asked what did I want in a marriage. I had no excessive DEMANDS, no outlandish callings, needs...just to go with, work hard, work together and make something out of it.
Well the years went by, my spouse climbed the career track, got some good jobs, promotions, a whole hell of lots of $$$ money, raises, traveled, and kicked it in the GOOD LIFE of being married.
I on the other hand, I stayed at HOME, had a baby, tend to my baby, got laid off, got hired and laid off again, let my career slide, pursued being a paralegal, continued my education, got no support, started a business, got no support, tried to make him HAPPY, got no support, cooked, cleaned, became DEPRESSED, became unhappy, stunted my HAPPINESS, got depressed and then realized...ENOUGH!
The sex life...can you say?????? DISMISAL, HURT, unfortunate, lacked spontaniety, ROMANCE - the 6 minute thrill, became a quickie JUST TO PERFORM and GET HIM OFF OF ME!
And with each passing year...it got WORST.
I stayed on, while he inflated his EGO, his pocketbook, got new things, went to school, went to his high reunion, enjoyed the bachelorlife while being married...I became UNHAPPY!
Now, the summer time WAS MY TIME, it became my safe HAVEN to relax, unwind, and enjoy, with school being out.. WE took no VACATIONS, so I had to enjoy summertime with me and my kid at home (we did, by any means neccessary).
And even though it was the summer, he still wasn't good to me, he always found something to ridicule, despise me in , keep away or do without for the sake of trying to PUNISH ME. I could never be totally happy during the summer, because I never have money to give to him, travel or enjoy the rewards of being a VACATION. He made my life miserable..
So when someone gave me a simple compliment and told me I was BEAUTIFUL it led to spending more time with them to FEEL BETTER. To ease the pain AWAY, to remove the HURT. It helped a little, but I still had other ISSUES to deal with, and the fact I was still so UNHAPPY.
So I made up in my mind so start my divorce - what came next was something out of a science fiction movie in which mindgames, brain washing, guilt spins started to happen.
My spouse got me soooooooooooooooo confused I didnt know if I was coming or GOING. I didnt know if I would go UP or DOWN, left or RIGHT. He had spun my thinking around so much I thought I was loosing it.
I nervously shaked so much when presenting the DIVORCE papers, I cried uncontrollably. I got knots in my stomach, heart beating, palpitating and racing so FAST I thought I would COLLAPSE, sweating, nerves until I was making myself SICK.
He badgered me constantly, by phone, by text, by email, which ever way he could to CONTROL me. I remember earlier in my marriage how he would call to PROVOKE, and sabatoge my day. He would turn my day upside DOWN over some non-sense, while he went on and had a good day being an a%$# hole.
With those GI-JOE mind games, I had remember to not read all the messages, texts, emails, or answer the calls in order to rid myself of his brainwashing, mental games he was playing.
Now I know bettter!
Lets fast forward to today!
I have reenacted my proceedings, and have gone out to find legal help for me to start the divorce again. What I know now I hope will help me in the long run.
I do know that I do not want to continue to be harrassed, provoked, belittled, degraded, played with, use mind games, lack sensitivity, lack compassion or passion with my spouse again.
And so........................I THINK I WANT A DIVORCE.....round 2
And I am afraid....I've JUMPED RIGHT IN!
Here's my story:
I've been married for over 16 years, met my husband after graduating from college and was introduce 3 times, on 3 different OCCASIONS by previous boyfriends who I had been dating.
I knew that life was short, so I decided to TAKE THE PLUNGE to apease society, my mother and the views of others who feel women should get married, have childre, raise a family!
In the beginning it was never IDEAL, it was never a FAIRY TALE. I had no expectations of a man, nor a husband. For I too am a product of a DIVORCE family, am I product of being a latch-key kid, a single parent raised by a strong matriach. But hell it was FUN (oops diverting off the subject).
Anywho intially the marriage counselor/presiding minister asked what did I want in a marriage. I had no excessive DEMANDS, no outlandish callings, needs...just to go with, work hard, work together and make something out of it.
Well the years went by, my spouse climbed the career track, got some good jobs, promotions, a whole hell of lots of $$$ money, raises, traveled, and kicked it in the GOOD LIFE of being married.
I on the other hand, I stayed at HOME, had a baby, tend to my baby, got laid off, got hired and laid off again, let my career slide, pursued being a paralegal, continued my education, got no support, started a business, got no support, tried to make him HAPPY, got no support, cooked, cleaned, became DEPRESSED, became unhappy, stunted my HAPPINESS, got depressed and then realized...ENOUGH!
The sex life...can you say?????? DISMISAL, HURT, unfortunate, lacked spontaniety, ROMANCE - the 6 minute thrill, became a quickie JUST TO PERFORM and GET HIM OFF OF ME!
And with each passing year...it got WORST.
I stayed on, while he inflated his EGO, his pocketbook, got new things, went to school, went to his high reunion, enjoyed the bachelorlife while being married...I became UNHAPPY!
Now, the summer time WAS MY TIME, it became my safe HAVEN to relax, unwind, and enjoy, with school being out.. WE took no VACATIONS, so I had to enjoy summertime with me and my kid at home (we did, by any means neccessary).
And even though it was the summer, he still wasn't good to me, he always found something to ridicule, despise me in , keep away or do without for the sake of trying to PUNISH ME. I could never be totally happy during the summer, because I never have money to give to him, travel or enjoy the rewards of being a VACATION. He made my life miserable..
So when someone gave me a simple compliment and told me I was BEAUTIFUL it led to spending more time with them to FEEL BETTER. To ease the pain AWAY, to remove the HURT. It helped a little, but I still had other ISSUES to deal with, and the fact I was still so UNHAPPY.
So I made up in my mind so start my divorce - what came next was something out of a science fiction movie in which mindgames, brain washing, guilt spins started to happen.
My spouse got me soooooooooooooooo confused I didnt know if I was coming or GOING. I didnt know if I would go UP or DOWN, left or RIGHT. He had spun my thinking around so much I thought I was loosing it.
I nervously shaked so much when presenting the DIVORCE papers, I cried uncontrollably. I got knots in my stomach, heart beating, palpitating and racing so FAST I thought I would COLLAPSE, sweating, nerves until I was making myself SICK.
He badgered me constantly, by phone, by text, by email, which ever way he could to CONTROL me. I remember earlier in my marriage how he would call to PROVOKE, and sabatoge my day. He would turn my day upside DOWN over some non-sense, while he went on and had a good day being an a%$# hole.
With those GI-JOE mind games, I had remember to not read all the messages, texts, emails, or answer the calls in order to rid myself of his brainwashing, mental games he was playing.
Now I know bettter!
Lets fast forward to today!
I have reenacted my proceedings, and have gone out to find legal help for me to start the divorce again. What I know now I hope will help me in the long run.
I do know that I do not want to continue to be harrassed, provoked, belittled, degraded, played with, use mind games, lack sensitivity, lack compassion or passion with my spouse again.
And so........................I THINK I WANT A DIVORCE.....round 2
By:
chie5189
Age:
36-40
