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It Depends

sometimes i love him so much and am so happy, i can't imagine my life without him. other times, like today, i just think it was all a mistake and all these problems that keep coming up will never ever go away.

isolatedkitty isolatedkitty 26-30, F 8 Responses Jun 11, 2008

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My husband and I have been together since 1997 and married since 2003. We are going on 8yrs and I struggle between marriage and divorce all the time. Before my husband and I got married I had an affair. I feel like our relationship was on the rocks before we even got married. We fought hard when we did and really were never too affectionate with each other. He was truly my 1st real sexual partner and 1st relationship of any sort. I had such horrible cold feet it was ridiculous. We went on our honeymoon and I tried so hard to want to be there and I just made everything worse. My husband found out I had an affair in the fall of 2007. I thought I had been able to keep it from him and I didn't want him to know. It was a bad decision and I wasn't proud of it. We nearly divorced over it but, he forgave me and we have worked past it. But, there are residual issues with continue to have. Now we have 4 kids and I am home with them 24/7. I have no friends and no money to go anywhere. I feel trapped, We don't have sex because Im not interested a whole lot. He doesn't please me the way I want anymore. I am looking for someone who touches me with passion and he just wants me to have crazy sex etc...its always about him and it bugs the hell out of me. We now have an open relationship to make our sex life better but, it just makes me see how I want to be with others more then with him. I make excuses why I need to go out etc...I wish I knew I could be without him. I just dont know...

my husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have 2 kids. I have started seeing a therapist to help me become happy with myself. I am hoping that reconnecting with the me I am happy with will help me reconnect with the us I used to be happy with. For the last 2 years my husband and I have become more like roommates. We have had a lot of changes (New baby, new home, more debt, job changes, and going back to school). All of these have added stress to us individually and as a team but the problem is that we aren't working together to fix the debt or to cope with the new changes. I feel like I am carrying all the weight in the relationship and that he is just along for the ride. <br />
Lately I can't stop thinking about leaving him. Here is the kicker, the thought that is delaying me is "I will re-evaluate my feelings when we are debt free" how twisted is that? <br />
If I want out now most likely I will want out then and it could take YEARS to get out of debt why am I trying to trap myself?

After going through a year of hell with my husband, not knowing what he wants, I came to realize that I was the one diagnoised with bi-polor, but I honestly think that he is the one who is in need of the help mentally. Its really funny that the stronger I get I find that I am not alone, all of the responses, I thought I was reading my own book. Sometimes I just love that man just to look at him gives me a complete rush, other times he makes me so sick ok him with his mood changes, that I believe he is bi-polor. Maybe we are all bored at this point in our lives. We partially seperated I stay with my girlfriend, but go home when he is at work, and do a little tidying up then I leave this plan has worked for us great I dont see him, think about what he is doing, or nothing and am at so much peace with him. But the funny thing is his mid-life crisis made me walk out that door with no ander towards him and guess what his as- is realizing he needs to fix his mood changes or get accustom to this life without me being nice tidying up the house, so he is starting to understand.

I feel the same way too. I will have been married nearly 20 this December and I get this feeling off and on. More so in the last couple of years honestly as my kids are growing up and becoming adults. We actually are in couples therapy and tomorrow is suppose to be our last session. I am not sure I want to be in a marriage and I have gone threw 6 months of therapy? It must be me is what I keep thinking but like you said and others say at times I can't imagine being away from my husband other times I just want to run as fast as I can. He can be thoughtful and thoughtless. He can be supportive and unsupportive. I just never know what to expect. I wonder if he was bipolor at times. I hate the cycle of emotions as well. I think maybe it would be better for me to be alone than to have this cycle. I think divorce is so sad too. I just don't know.

I feel the same way too. I will have been married nearly 20 this December and I get this feeling off and on. More so in the last couple of years honestly as my kids are growing up and becoming adults. We actually are in couples therapy and tomorrow is suppose to be our last session. I am not sure I want to be in a marriage and I have gone threw 6 months of therapy? It must be me is what I keep thinking but like you said and others say at times I can't imagine being away from my husband other times I just want to run as fast as I can. He can be thoughtful and thoughtless. He can be supportive and unsupportive. I just never know what to expect. I wonder if he was bipolor at times. I hate the cycle of emotions as well. I think maybe it would be better for me to be alone than to have this cycle. I think divorce is so sad too. I just don't know.

You know, I think everyone feels this way at one time or another. Life is tough, it puts so much stress on your marriage. When one person has a bad day, the other is in desperate need for comfort...<br />
Just know that everyone feels this way, I've heard this from so many people. The thing is to find a way to communicate,even decide on key phrases... meaning when you're in a cruddy mood, you let him know by saying this, or doing that. Always have a date night, it may be difficult but things like this will help. <br />
Good luck

It's like I'm reading about my own life. My Husb can be the sweetest and funniest person one minute, and literally the next minute tell me he doesn't love me and he wants a divorce. This happened last night. And then an hour later he tells me he was just in a bad mood and would never leave me. What, exactly, am I supposed to think? I don't want to give up, but the rollercoaster is killing me.

I got told the same last week but he still feels the same way i guess. Where it was a case of love at first sight i was told that mow, if he saw me and didn't know who i was he wouldn't give me a second look

i know how you feel completley. and the sad thing is i dont know how normal this is. its like people always say marraige is not easy and that its a lot of work but is it really supposed to be this hard for two people to love and respect each other and get along. i just dont know??