This Is All My Fault?

I have been with my husband 9 years and married 6. I have been unhappy for awhile and I have tried to talk to him but he just gets really mad. I asked him how I could tell him how I was feeling without it becoming a fight. He told me to write my feeling in a letter and he would respond and it would be non-confrontational and therapeutic. So I did and two letters later no response and things are getting worse. We have two kids and I keep thinking I should stick it out until they are older. My husband is not a bad person but he is very self centered. Our whole lives revolve around him and he never asks what I want or need. Frankly, he rarely talks to me unless to tell me his plans and what he needs me to do to make those happen. I am a stay at home mom and I love spending time with my kids but I have a master's and I know I could support myself and my kids. I did support all of us for the first five years together. I am very lonely and I just want someone to talk to but my husband never wants to talk to me and when we go out its to places he wants to go doing what he wants to do. He says all the time he loves me and that I have a good life and I should quit complaining. Why am I so unhappy and lonely? I have read many of your stories and I hope that someone can tell me what to do. We have tried 3 counselers and I have left him before. He said that he would do all these things and did for about 6 months then it was back to normal. This are the things I want: I want him to not cuss at me, I want him to listen me, I want help with the kids, and I want to have time to hang out with my friends monthly. Is that too much? The kids are scared of him too because you never know what will set off a tirade. There is no physical abuse but he yells and cusses a lot. Its scary for me and the kids. Our sex life is terrible he is selfish there also. Once he is done then its over no matter where I am. I haven't had an organism (meaning non self induced) in three years! If I want sex I have to be the aggressor, dress up, and get him in the mood. He never does anything like that for me. He does bring me flowers home but I hate flowers and he loves them. I would do anything for my husband and he knows this, I just want the same in return. My husband says I am the one with the problem. Everything is just fine for him. So is it just me?
lonelygirl76 lonelygirl76
2 Responses Sep 24, 2012

Your husband is the definition of emotional abuse. Don't tolerate him cussing and disrespecting you. The sexual denial is either a sign that he has other outlets, or that he's using it to further control you. Be well, be yourself, don't let anyone else define you. Best.

If you do everything for him and he doesn't do anything in return, then he gets what he wants and there is no reason left for him to complain about . I think one can get along with all those problems that you have mentioned, but cussing ( as it is a sort of violence ) and problems in sexual life. I do understand what an unhappy marriage looks like, and I wish you the best.