I Think I Want a Divorce
For the nth time, i'm here again with the sob story that my life is.
My husband - I cant decide for the life of me why I'm still with him.. there are times i know he seems like a good person, but he has emotional issues, definitely - I'm his punching bag (thankfully not physically anymore).... Everything wrong in his life is because of me... but everything good in his life is also because of me - he admits it.. which is nice to know but doesnt make my life any easier... I'm doing everything that makes him happy, makes my 1.5 year old daughter happy- i know life's a compromise but i have forgotten what its like to be me - to do stuff i want to do... Welcome to India, the life of a woman after marriage i i'm stuck in a time warp... India has gone further than those backward times where the woman suffers everything... but i guess howmuchever i'd like to be "modern" - the traditional me takes over so easily - although i dont want it to... I'm like everywhere by his family -near or extended (for being a modern-traditional daughter-in-law- by my family for being the oh-so-fierce & independent daughter. for being Two different people.... my in-laws love me, adore me... and i have worked very hard at it...
But he- He yells at everyone & everything when he will, I know he loves his daughter but nothings greater to him than his ego and him. He is a bad influence on her - i think - because he teaches her nothing good... but thats just me... he thinks he's being normal but he aint.. i dont want our daughter to be another him...
I want to go away- move away ... but i know i'd hurt a million people on the way... he's done a lot for me but i sometimes wonder whether they were really for me or behind the facade it was somewhere deep down for his own self.. as i said nothing drives him more than his ego ... I cant be a punching bag nomore... I know I'm bordering on depression - i just cant come out of it... i just cant get myself to take that all important first step... why? coz it would spoil all that i toiled so hard to bring together - his family.... i will lose their love n respect - but does that matter so much?
i'm so confused... If I were in the west I dont think I'd give it as much thought.. i seriously wouldnt have... in fact this would hv been over atleast 8 years ago (we've been together 10 years now - married 9 years)...
I dont mind his drinking... which has become more frequent and more uncontrollable... but when he is drunk he doesnt know what he's saying, what he's doing... I hate to see him out of control....
he's never really been in control of his life except the 2 wonderful years we had in this normally rough patch... i guess those 2 years keep me wanting more... it never did come back... is getting worse...
I'm so confused.. i dont know where to start, where to end... end my life? end the marriage? when will all this end.. I need help !!! ... I do...
My husband - I cant decide for the life of me why I'm still with him.. there are times i know he seems like a good person, but he has emotional issues, definitely - I'm his punching bag (thankfully not physically anymore).... Everything wrong in his life is because of me... but everything good in his life is also because of me - he admits it.. which is nice to know but doesnt make my life any easier... I'm doing everything that makes him happy, makes my 1.5 year old daughter happy- i know life's a compromise but i have forgotten what its like to be me - to do stuff i want to do... Welcome to India, the life of a woman after marriage i i'm stuck in a time warp... India has gone further than those backward times where the woman suffers everything... but i guess howmuchever i'd like to be "modern" - the traditional me takes over so easily - although i dont want it to... I'm like everywhere by his family -near or extended (for being a modern-traditional daughter-in-law- by my family for being the oh-so-fierce & independent daughter. for being Two different people.... my in-laws love me, adore me... and i have worked very hard at it...
But he- He yells at everyone & everything when he will, I know he loves his daughter but nothings greater to him than his ego and him. He is a bad influence on her - i think - because he teaches her nothing good... but thats just me... he thinks he's being normal but he aint.. i dont want our daughter to be another him...
I want to go away- move away ... but i know i'd hurt a million people on the way... he's done a lot for me but i sometimes wonder whether they were really for me or behind the facade it was somewhere deep down for his own self.. as i said nothing drives him more than his ego ... I cant be a punching bag nomore... I know I'm bordering on depression - i just cant come out of it... i just cant get myself to take that all important first step... why? coz it would spoil all that i toiled so hard to bring together - his family.... i will lose their love n respect - but does that matter so much?
i'm so confused... If I were in the west I dont think I'd give it as much thought.. i seriously wouldnt have... in fact this would hv been over atleast 8 years ago (we've been together 10 years now - married 9 years)...
I dont mind his drinking... which has become more frequent and more uncontrollable... but when he is drunk he doesnt know what he's saying, what he's doing... I hate to see him out of control....
he's never really been in control of his life except the 2 wonderful years we had in this normally rough patch... i guess those 2 years keep me wanting more... it never did come back... is getting worse...
I'm so confused.. i dont know where to start, where to end... end my life? end the marriage? when will all this end.. I need help !!! ... I do...
By:
lyfsux
Age:
31-35
,
Female
