Last Night, I Said It All Out Loud For The First TimeI'm private. I dont gossip with friends about sex. I dont tell people my business.
Last night, I met a woman in my moms group to give her some clothes that no longer fit. Three hours later, I'd said it all out loud for the very first time.
When I arrived to meet her, I asked her to take a picture with me so I could post it to facebook (so my husband could see that I was in fact where I said I'd be).
My husband is tall, handsome, smart, successful. He doesnt hit me. He hates me.
We moved across the country for his work. Had kids. For 2 years, I havent left my house to go further than a grocery store. I went to a funeral on Friday and he was so angry for sticking him with the house and kids all day.
He doesnt clean. He doesnt have any interest in our home. He tells me he regrets having kids and they destroyed his life - he wants me to agree, but I refuse to ever say such a thing. Last night, he told me I was a prostitute that owes him sex. I pushed him off and he told me that I will find out tomorrow how bad my life can really be.
I can not believe that Im even typing this. These words dont even make sense.
We went to a party recently (a friend of mine - he does not have a single friend). He behaved so strangely. He whispered for me to come in the other room, and told me what a fool I was being, that everyone hated me and was actually making fun of me. The next morning I asked why he said that and he said, "I knew you were going to start running your mouth and I'd have to end up fighting someone."
He has recently become very successful in his business. I can buy whatever I want. I can have whatever I want. But he has become so possessive of me. He treats me poorly (even admits to it), and then says that sex is owed to him for providing this life.
We sleep in separate rooms. I take ambien every night, but usually get about 4 hours of sleep. I told him the other night that he is breaking my heart and he yelled that he is the one with the broken heart, then ignored me for days for having insulted him.
In a few days, it will be Christmas and I will entertain his family in my home for a week. I will buy the food, prepare the meals, buy and wrap gifts and listen to my husband tell me how much he does for everyone.
It is 7am, and Im tempted to leave before he wakes and go to a hotel. He warned me that today will be ugly. Im so upset and scared right now.