Terrified Of Being A Single Mother.It's just unnatural. There is a reason why it takes TWO people to make a baby. Despite our differences, my husband IS a good dad. He is there for our child.
I already have an anxiety disorder. It would be 10x worse if I were a single mom. It would be so scary to know that I'm the only on who is responsible for keeping the roof over our head. If I get sick and have to miss a few days of work, some bills might not get paid. When I'm at the store and my child starts throwing a fit, I'll have noone to help me. When I have decisons to make, I won't have anyone to give me their input. I would just be so lonely.
I'm also afraid of how it will be when my child goes to daddy's house. He is the deepest sleeper EVER...alarm clocks don't wake him up. The only way he will wake up is from somebody shaking him. There have been times that he's almost set the house on fire because he falls into a deep sleep whil food is cooking. He works overnights so he's always tired. How will he wake up on time to take our child to school? How will he wake up from his nap when it's time to pick up our child from school? If we ever seperated, he would move into his mom's apartment complex...which is not a safe one. I definitely wouldn't feel safe with my kid there.
And I'm also afraid of the judgment. My sister is in an amazing realtionship and she's SO happy. My oldest sister is married with two kids...she's not as happy anymore, but she'd never dream of being a single mom. And I'm scared of what my close group of friends would think.
But I feel like I'd be ruining my child's life. My happiness should be secondary.
But I don't know how long I can take this relationship anymore..I feel like the life is being sucked out of me.