Stuck In A Marriage To A Great Guy

He really is a great guy. I just don't have the same feelings for him anymore. He is a great father to our two boys. He is smart and patient. But he doesn't turn me on, at all, ever.

So here is why I feel stuck:
1. He makes the money
2. Two kids I don't want to destroy
3. Scared to death to be on my own and lonely for the rest of my life
4. I have a past history of bulimia and do not want to go back to that, ever!

So, what do I do? Stay for the kids, for the stability? That is what I have been doing and most of the time, when he is at work, I am ok. But just feel like there should be more. A spark or something between a couple when they touch.

We have been married 12 years. Our boys are 10 and 12. Is this the worst time to disrupt the family unit?

An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 9, 2013

I suppose the real question is; do you want to work on it or don't you? It takes time and energy and stress to keep a marriage going. Do you really want to go through all that? If it's worth it, if you feel like you can't imagine your life without him there, then do it! Keep trying. But if you feel like you are only in this for the stability or the vows you made, then maybe it's time to consider parting ways?

I am in the same situation. I have been married for 22 years. Two kids, 16 and 13. He is a good dad. I work part time now but have been a stay at home mom for 16 years. There is no emotional connection. There has been verbal and emotional abuse which he denies and says he is just being loud. ADHD, depression, moodiness. I am scared even though he is trying now, I don't know if I can stay until the kids move out. I don't have the right to leave. They should all come first. Then you think about how life is too short to not be happy. I will probably keep trying until I am exhausted which I am now. Best of luck to you.

Tough! Sounds like my situation except I'm the guy. If you want to chat sometime let me can be tough to face alone.

Have you talked to him about it?

Yes, we have talked. But, honestly, I haven't told him the extend of how I feel. I did tell him I wasn't sure I was "in love with him" anymore and he was very hurt. He wants to talk more than we do, but I am not very good at expressing myself. Also, I am a peace keeper, it is hard for me to say things to anyone that will cause friction.

I guess the only thing you can do is just do your best. Talk to him about your needs, that is if there is something you need from him to feel the relationship "spark" again.