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I Think I Want a Divorce

How Do I Convince My Husband That Divorce Is The Right Choice?

By: irisawakened
Written on January 29th, 2013
It's odd because most people would take a hint when a wife keeps bringing up divorce. My husband keeps telling me we will work it out and goes on with his life. I am serious, I have moved into the spare room and said that I don't think I will ever want to have sex with him again (it's already been 2 months, and even then it was only once). He keeps thinking that we can work on it, work around it, and evolve past this "momentary rift". I am not completely unhappy, living in my own room, but I do thirst for the freedom moving out would afford me.

I have made us both seek therapy, separately. I am hoping the therapist will talk some sense into him, tell him this marriage is hell for him and that he should agree to the divorce ASAP. We already have designated nights where we have "talks" about our future, or lack thereof. Every week I work toward making him understand and accept, but its like he is living in a state of constant denial. I know this is hard for him, but if he could accept this, I could help him move on more gracefully, plan it all out to make the most sense.

Does any one else have any ideas on how I could help him see this more clearly?
By: irisawakened
Age: 26-30 , Female
408 people have read this story

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2 responses
  • LostInAutumn
    LostInAutumn

    I'm not sure most men do take the hint; I certainly didn't. Twenty five years ago my wife wanted a divorce and I spent four painful months saying, "No. We love each other. We can work it out." Once I agreed to the divorce, she changed her mind. Looking back I'm not sure that "working it out" was the right thing to do. After nearly forty years of "I love you, don't touch me," I question if it was the right decision. I still love her but I'm exhausted from being married and lonely. If our finances allowed it, I'd probably leave today.

    The opposite of love is apathy. You clearly have some feelings for him because you are trying to make the divorce painless for him. That could be because you are a compassionate person, or it could be because you still love him at some level. You might talk to your counselor about it; maybe look at marriage counseling with your husband.

    If you are really done and he is in denial about you leaving, the only thing that will pry him loose from his denial is you being gone for a week or two.

    I wish the two of you luck and happiness.

    Feb 8
    2 likes
    • irisawakened
      irisawakened

      Thank you for that reply. It very much is at a place of apathy. I am trying to comfort him, because I would comfort anyone, but part of me is annoyed that he is so upset. I told him that I would be leaving, and I set a date for it. He finally has stepped out of denial into heartbreak. It is tough breaking his heart, but I want out in the worst way. I can't even stand being in the same house as him, now that I am set on it.

      I just wish he could embrace it as the right decision too. I guess in time, he will see that I wasn't the right woman to make him happy, and he will hopefully find someone more suited to him.

      Feb 8
      1 like