I Don't Know What to Do...

My husband & I have been married for 10 yrs & together for 12. Lately I can't remember why I married him. Maybe it's just me but he seems so selfish. All these years i have done & done for him, yet I feel I get nothing in return. Every year for bdays, fathers day, xmas, anniversaries etc... I make sure that there is something going on & make sure he has gifts regardless of the fact that we are broke. I plan ahead & save money to make sure these things happen. What do i get in return? nothing, nada, ziltch, zero! We have 2 kids together, an 11 yr old & a 4 yr. old. Our 11 yr old is bipolar,adhd & others. She was diagnosed about 4 yrs & I have been the one to do anything & everything with & for her. he never seemed to take an interest about her & her illness until recently when we started seeing a family counsler who suggested he look up the illness & do research. Why would someone listen to a complete stranger instead of thier spouse? I is the same way with us, the counsler suggested he start taking me out on a date 1 or 2 x a month but when I suggested this many times over the yrs i get ignored. I am so confused. I think I want a divorce but I dont know whaqt to do. I have 2 kids, no job(I cannot work due to my childs illness) & no car! i cannot support myself & 2 kids but if I left them w/ him I'm afraid my children would not get the care & attention they need, nor would my daughter get the care & understanding she desperatly needs. Thank you for listening. I look forward to any & all replies

confused1369 confused1369
36-40, F
1 Response Feb 11, 2009

If you split, he will be obligated financially to support you and the kids. However, if you actually have got him attending counselling sessions, very good! That indicates a step in the right direction and that there is hope, if you still want it. I completely sympathize cuz my husband is the same way. Just this past year I took him on a trip overseas, to events where I spent, dinners, etc., however he can't even acknowledge Christmas, my birthday, Valentines, our anniversary, etc., however if it came to his immediate family, everything stops. We don't have kids and there is no way I would with him. He is a deadbeat husband and would likely be a deadbeat dad. Also, they will listen to anyone BUT us for some reason. I've been married 9 years and with him for 14 and I have one foot out the door, removed my wedding ring and am actively investigating the divorce procedures.<br />
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Since he is attending the counselling that does indicate he is willing to do something before all is lost. Remember though, being with him may be keeping you from the person you really should be with and that is robbing you. You are setting the example for your kids too and showing them that you are strong and are not afraid to be alone, will teach them that they shouldn't tolerate that behaviour when they finally get to the age of relationships.<br />
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Good luck. I really, really know how hard it is but trust your instincts and your gut. Both will never lie to you.