Not Sure What to Do....

I think I want a divorce...for the second time. I have been remarried, yes I said remarried to my husband for 3 years now.  We were married for 2 years and divorced and got back together almost 3 years later.  We were highschool sweethearts and together a total of 15 years minus the 3 we were apart.  I know confusing, but we have 3 children ages 12, 6 and 4 and one is a special needs child.  I am a stay at home mom and he works full time.  He is a good father, but not husband.  We don't talk, we argue, he is not affectionate or caring.  I helped him go back to school and finish his degree and he is a good provider.  My issue is we both know we aren't in love with one another and haven't been for some time, but he doesn't want a divorce because of our children and I know that is why I have stayed so long as well, but it isn't enough for me anymore.  Does this make me a bad mother or person? I am scared about it all because I don't work do to being home mainly for our special needs child, but I do have a car. Also a little background.while we were divorced before I met and fell in love with someone else and I have never stopped loving this person, but when it was time for me to make a marriage commitment to him I couldn't because it would mean me moving with our 1st child to another state and this would mean he wouldn't see his father and I couldn't do that to my ex husband or my son....Now I wish I had of gone with my feelings for that person. Recently after 10 years that person has contacted me and he never married and he told me he still wishes I would have picked him.  He has no idea of my current dilema with my husband, but what should I do???? 

sjmb sjmb
1 Response Feb 19, 2009

Wow. Your story sounds almost just like my mother's. She also left her emotionally abusive/neglecting husband and fell in love with another man (though he turned out to not be so great.) But because of the kids and her religious guilt, she remarried her husband and has been with him for another 10 years. <br />
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It's hard to say exactly what you should do. Divorce does a number on kids, and if you could stick it out for them it may be worth it. Love for your husband could even be rekindled. But there are no guarantees. If the marriage is making you enemies and it's been going on for a long time, maybe all you can do is sit him down and tell him why you think divorce is best. But don't do it for another man, or rely on a man to take care of you. If things don't work out, that could leave you in a bad situation. And definitely don't move away and live far from your husband. Until those kids go into college, they'll need regular interaction with you both. Just because you do something that is good for you, it doesn't mean you can't also make your kids' needs a priority in life. They need to know they can count on you, and that things will re-stablize.<br />
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Best of luck!