I Just Dont Know What to Do

I have been with my husband since college and we get along great.  The issue is that while there is love there, there is no passion. 

He was never been a rip my clothes off kinda guy, but we have stopped having sex all together now.  I do not exactly remember the last time we had sex, but I am fairly confident its been over a year.   I know I am partially to blame for this, but my husband has gained a good deal of weight over the years and that bothers me from both a health and an attractiveness prospective.  He has also been having issues with his teeth, and refuses to see a dentist.  I can see the teeth are rotting when he smiles and I know at least one tooth has fallen out.  I know me pestering him to see a doctor and a dentist annoys him, but I cant be attracted to a man who is overweight with teeth falling out of his head.  I have explained all of this to him numerous times and he refuses to do anything about it.

I just don't think I can live like this, but at the same time I am scared of being alone.  I make a very good salary, about 30K more than my husband, but he handles all of the finances.  I don't think I can afford to keep the house on my own, but at the same time in this market I think selling it would be a horrible idea. 

I feel like my options are all bad.  Stay in a marriage, that is not really or marriage, or  leave be alone and have to completely change my lifestyle in order to just survive.

Any and all advice is welcome!

 

 

cas3676 cas3676
31-35
3 Responses Feb 22, 2009

Cas, I understand and have similiar hauntings!<br />
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Now orignally I met my husband after graduting from college and moving back from California. <br />
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He too, was not a Tom Selleck, Brad Pit, but hell I was no Angelina Jolie I just kept myself very physically active, controlled my diet, pampered myself every NOW & THEN.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to today...He's over 250 lbs, bald head, pudgy, demanding, controlling, paranoid, stingy, a miser, oppressive, and emotionally/mentally abusive, and fights with my kid.<br />
<br />
WTF!<br />
<br />
Enough<br />
<br />
My option is........... that in order to get some sanity, and to keep me from having a nervous breakdown ( I think subliminally he wants to BREAK MY SPIRT- taming of the shrew f/x).<br />
<br />
I must end this MADDNESS!<br />
<br />
Dr. Phil says "And how is that working for you?"<br />
<br />
Cas....How's that working for you?

Some men can be inconceivably stubborn.

Well I'm in a similar situation in many ways. I'm divorcing. A divorce isn't going to be guaranteeing me passion in my life, but staying in it pretty much IS guaranteeing that there will be NO passion, romance, or hope for a meaningful connection with someone.<br />
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It's a hard, painful, very difficult decision but truly, life is short and my reasoning was that I'd rather be alone than settle for ok.