Do I Tell Her?
From a religious perspective, I know I should do all I can to save the marriage. – The spirit is willing.
But, I really don’t want to be married to her – The flesh is weak.
Everything I know and believe says I should stick it out. Fulfill my vows. Do what is right. If I had the smallest bit of hope for long-term happiness, I would (or at least I am deluding myself that I would).
But, if I stay in the marriage, I know I will be miserable. I know that happiness is a choice, and that I can chose to be happy, even in a miserable marriage. I know that she will fight hard to save the marriage, even though she is unhappy (but that is her lot in life – to be an unhappy person).
I do know there is one thing I could tell her that would cause her to divorce me. Do I tell her so I can be free? Do I do the divorce the hard way so she can believe we had a marriage until the end? Or, do I do the honorable thing and stay with the marriage?
Feb 8: Additional info
Some things have been rough in the marriage, but, for the most part , the day to day things, life is pretty calm. There are some long-term frustration issues, and about a year ago I first mentioned the "D" word to her. The biggest issues for me are: Lack of sex, and the inability to be open with her. She is too judgmental, so I've stopped letting her know what I think.
We have been to a few marriage therapy sessions with 2 different therapists. I'm pushing her to go again. That's where I am inclined to say something needs to change. What's next after divorce? I've though a lot about that. One of the reasons I found EP. I do not have delusions that life will be just peachy. I had thoughts of waiting until my youngest is out of the home (few more years), but recent conflicts makes me just want to call it off now. I know marriage is hard work. But, it takes two to tango. It is one thing to compromise on dreams. It is another thing to compromise on core values.
It is also not just about do what makes me happy. That is too self centered. Am I being unreasonable in my desires? Will it necessarily be any better with someone else? Maybe better in one area, worse in another. It is not like she is an alcoholic. We just have some fundamental incompatibilities.