I Often Think I Am Destined to Be Alone
I think there are people who were created to be alone for their whole lives. I wish I knew the statistics on how many people live and die alone. I can't help but think with my combination of looks and social anxiety, that God has designed me to be one of those people. In the past couple years, I have been trying my best to embrace this idea - the idea that I can live a totally happy and fulfilling life without ever finding someone to share my life with. It's the most difficult thing I've ever tried to come to terms with. Especially when there are people around me always asking if I've found a boyfriend and I go 'hah yeah right' and they spin a nice tale about how I'll end up marrying a fellow vet..yada yada. It's a nice tale and it makes me hope too much and it sets me back miles on my trek to accepting the single life as my fate.
I don't like it on here when people constantly say, 'oh you'll meet someone someday..there's someone out there for you'. I just don't think I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Or if there is, I don't think that means you are guaranteed to meet that person. I think there are thousands of people out there who are single their entire lives, whether by choice or not. Marriage and romantic love I don't think are guaranteed for everyone in life.
I've come so close to embracing my fate. If I had some good friends, I feel that would go a long way. My latest deal with God is to just let me fall in love once. I don't have to get married and live happily ever after. I just want to know what it's like - just once. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? I agree.
I'm done asking for the fairytale. I wish people would stop making me hope, because it just hurts too damn much. Let me embrace the fate I know is mine...maybe that is my path to happiness.