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I Often Think I Am Destined to Be Alone

I think there are people who were created to be alone for their whole lives.  I wish I knew the statistics on how many people live and die alone.  I can't help but think with my combination of looks and social anxiety, that God has designed me to be one of those people.  In the past couple years, I have been trying my best to embrace this idea - the idea that I can live a totally happy and fulfilling life without ever finding someone to share my life with. It's the most difficult thing I've ever tried to come to terms with.  Especially when there are people around me always asking if I've found a boyfriend and I go 'hah yeah right' and they spin a nice tale about how I'll end up marrying a fellow vet..yada yada.  It's a nice tale and it makes me hope too much and it sets me back miles on my trek to accepting the single life as my fate. 

I don't like it on here when people constantly say, 'oh you'll meet someone someday..there's someone out there for you'.  I just don't think I believe there is someone out there for everyone.  Or if there is, I don't think that means you are guaranteed to meet that person.  I think there are thousands of people out there who are single their entire lives, whether by choice or not.  Marriage and romantic love I don't think are guaranteed for everyone in life. 

I've come so close to embracing my fate.  If I had some good friends, I feel that would go a long way.  My latest deal with God is to just let me fall in love once.  I don't have to get married and live happily ever after.  I just want to know what it's like - just once.  Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?  I agree. 

I'm done asking for the fairytale.  I wish people would stop making me hope, because it just hurts too damn much.  Let me embrace the fate I know is mine...maybe that is my path to happiness.

shygirl14 shygirl14 26-30, F 19 Responses Sep 28, 2009

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I feel the exact same way sweetie. Message me if you'd likecto chat sometime.

I definitely think the path to happiness is being happy with yourself, and what you're doing, regardless of whether you're with someone or not. For example, I was once in a long term relationship, a long time ago, but I was wasting my life by ignoring my dreams. I was really, really unhappy. Now I'm single. I have been for 3 years, and sometimes I think that maybe I'll stay that way forever because I have a very difficult time letting someone in in a romantic context. However, I'm so much happier these days. So I don't think being happy is linked to being with someone.

However, if you really want to know what it's like to be in love, it's understandable that you're feeling dissatisfied. Unfortunately, meeting someone special like that is not something we have 100% control over, and falling in love, I feel like we have zero control. Interestingly, for me, the times I've met people have been the very times I've absolutely stopped trying to meet people.

I think, that as long as you're following your dreams, you can't be anywhere other than the right place at the right time. In that case, if you're meant to meet someone you will, if you're not, you won't, and there'll be a very good reason for either. But you have to be following your dreams - I really believe we can't be truly happy, alone or otherwise, in any situation unless we do this. And in response to Spooneybard: remember that there are miseries you also HAVEN'T experienced as a result of being single. Superficial love is not love at all, and it can (not always, but it can) be the loneliest, hollowest and most hurtful place ever. Take care, good luck, be alive, be happy xxx

28 year old male virgin. Haven't had an intimate encounter since I was 15. My buddies talk about meeting and having sex with women so casually that I almost can't believe it. Then I'll be around women, and evrytime, they gravitate towards my friends. Sure, I'll make them laugh and smile and feel comfortable, but the bottom line has always been: they ain't gonna be with me. And sometimes, I can't even believe that. It is very depressing to see it with my own eyes, and I truly feel that this is my destiny.

I don't want anyone's sympathy, but I do want the world to know that for those who have found love, no matter how meaningful or superficial, they have no idea how lucky they are, for I was at one time everything that every other guy was, yet here I stand, never knowing what its like to share your day with a special someone. It is not confidence I lack, but rather luck. I was dealt a very bad hand, and now must play it the best I can.

So, I empathize with the author, and should she choose the path of the lonely one, I would only hope she is fully prepared to embrace some pretty depressing **** that will surely beset her upon choosing that path. Only through the depression will come acceptance, and upon that, finally, peace.

Where are you lonely girls? Keep reading about girls that wonder if they are destined to be alone, why don't I ever meet one of you?

I know what it's like, but I also know what it's like to be heart broken, a few months ago, the girl I was crushing on said she found a boyfriend, it was devastating. Now, I have friends but it seems like I will never find anyone to share my life with, only one girl in my entire life has liked me, and that didn't last long, right now, I'm on an emotional roller coaster, jumping from really happy to lock myself in my room four hours wallowing in my own filth, I'm not the best looking, and I'm to shy to ask anyone out myself. I really feel like I have no true friends, none bother to help me with my problems and help me get a date. So i just wanted you to know your not alone

i know exactly how you feel,i feel the same way.i had a decent childhood and i was used to shifting every 3-4 years and making new friends,but when i was 13 my folks moved to this really ****** place and i hated my school,i didnt have any friends for a year,there have never been any women in my life,there were no hot girls in my school so i didnt even have a place i could meet girls,whenever i got close to a girl something would happen and i would never get to see em,for instance i would move to another city or she would move.
when i started college i thought life would change,it didnt,i made bad friends,again no girls i could meet,cuz all the girls in my class are ugly or ******* and i study in an indian college(that too a law school)where they have this ******* heirachy bullshit where senior classes see you as a pile of ****.
i fell in love with this senior chick and im not a bright man,she knew i was crazy about her but well she was a ***** and i knew if i told her how i felt she'd humiliate me,so i was miserable,some guys helped me through this phase and now they hate me too,i guess im just unlucky.
i realized that the more i think about how much my life sucks the more i get dragged into the darkness,the weaker i feel.
just be yourself,try to find a passion,try to find a purpose in your life and stay away from negativity,people who make you angry(********),a job that makes you misreble a college where you think you have no future,just get away from them,take a break and when you find good people hold on to them.keep pressing that refresh button in your life and keep busy otherwise you'll keep thinking of all that's missing in your life and feel even more sad.

I know this feeling all too well. There are times when I am absolutely loving the fact that I am single. For example, when I see or hear about people who are in relationships that are unhealthy. I am a strong, independent, and educated woman. I have children that I love and adore. I have a great job. I don't see why I need a man. <br />
Then there are times where is just hurts so much knowing that it is unlikely that I will meet "the one". I have not time to go out, I have a full life. I am pursuing my second college degree, work 2 part-time jobs and a few that are PRN. What more do I need? Or have time for? However, when I think of never being in a loving, passionate relationship again sometimes it really bothers me. <br />
After a while I get over the pain and move on. I am okay for awhile, feeling strong again. I feel empowered by my acceptance.<br />
It's like a cycle for me. I wish I could fully embrace my life and never let it get to me again.

Well I know when my family asks me if I met any females I always do not reply for a bit and then say "Oh that wasn't rhetorical, you are funny". ^_^ I just remember when they tell me these things. That way when nothing happens and I am still single 10 years from now I can remind them. They will go through the same line of questioning and I will say "We have been having this conversation for years now. Why do you insist on lying to yourself that I am actually a viable mate?"

i feel the same way, i notice this was written many years ago has anything changed? I have been alone for so long that I just gave up on ever finding that someone special. i have been rejected by so many people that accepting lonliness is just easier. Maybe someday I will meet the one person who proves me wrong, but I am doubtful, I feel like I am running out of time.

Just contracted something. I feel this is going to be the case but I'm cool with it. All I need is a few good friends, my family, and a purpose. That's all I need. Destined to be alone maybe... but that won't stop me from being a part of a family, having a life, ect. My misfortunes are from my own carelessness but I I tend to find they are a disguise. They are blessings. I have all the time in the world. I can excel and accomplish what normal people can only dream of because I have that time. Keep the Faith.

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I made a similar promise to God when I was younger to let me please fall in love at least once, so I can know what everyone has been raving about for the past two thousand years. <br />
<br />
God did grant me this gift for a good six and a half years, and it was great, but it ended... I've been single for the past two years now, I've missed the feeling of being with someone, but I think my destiny is to be alone...<br />
<br />
I'm just a strange person I guess... I'm quite sociable, but I'm a geek at heart. I think I'm just lonely at times because I don't have a grand purpose in life. If I can only find meaning in what I do, then I'm sure I would not feel these pangs of loneliness. I need to be stronger... in time the loneliness will pass... btw I love animals especially cats. =)

Hi there,<br />
<br />
I'm no expert at all on the matter and I don't know you, but I do have the experience of having been in a few relationships and also falling in and out of love. I've read your story and I do have a couple of things to say on the matter:<br />
<br />
Please be aware that whilst I am being sincere, you should know that there are a couple of things you've mentioned that I disagree with and I am not going to sugar-coat my response. So here goes...<br />
<br />
First off, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your philosophy of being destined to a life as a loner is absolute rubbish. You really need to admit to yourself that you DO want to find love and that you DO want to be with someone. That is the first thing that stands out about your story. You seem to be building a wall around yourself with your own set of rules in an attempt to defy the way you feel inside.<br />
Sympathy toward your plight is so not the solution here.<br />
And on that note, what is this "looks" nonsense? Are you serious? Let me explain: A BOY going out to a nightclub (for example) will notice a woman because of her looks. That is because he's after only one thing and is not looking for anything lasting, either. <br />
But a MAN looking for a serious relationship will have a bit more maturity on his side (yes, there is such a thing as a mature male) and will set looks apart from more important traits. I'll use myself as an example, though not to suggest that I'm Mr. Maturity, but you know what I mean ;-) I am a good-looking guy and I socialize fairly often. I also happen to get a few looks from time to time from beautiful looking women. But does that make them attractive in my eyes? No. You see, BEAUTY does not necessarily make someone ATTRACTIVE, in the same way that an education or a multitude of degrees does not necessarily make someone intelligent. I can meet a beautiful girl, but if she is bad mannered, has low morals, or happens to be unintelligent, I am not in the least bit attracted to her. BUT, if I happen to meet someone who wouldn't count herself as beautiful in the looks department, but she is sincere, well-mannered, gentle, and has an inquiring mind, she is VERY attractive to me. There are a lot of good men (or women) out there who will look for these or similar traits in you too, I promise you that. So please don't hide behind your looks as any kind of excuse. And FYI, you are far prettier than you think you are. Your story alone is testament to the fact that you are too hard on yourself.<br />
Which brings me to my next point: Shyness is VERY attractive to many men. Myself included. But to use it as an excuse (or another wall to hide behind) is just plain silly.<br />
I know I'm being harsh here, but quite honestly you sound like you need a metaphorical kick in the arse right now. So shall we continue? Yes, lets...<br />
<br />
You say that you're tired of relying on "hope" to bring you love. Well, there's your problem right there. And I'm sorry to say that God won't be bringing you any either. The first thing you need to do is find some self-respect. You need to feel happy before you can feel attractive. The next step, the most important step, is for you to become proactive, and by that I mean you need to socialize more. So how about a solution that covers both those first (and very easy) steps? Something that gets you out and gets you meeting people. Do you work out? If you do you'll know that people rarely leave the gym feeling down. This is because of the endorphins your body generates during excercise. Therefore, we can say that excercise not only gets you in shape, which will improve your self esteem, but also has the added benefit of making you feel good. So... you need a social activity that allows for your shyness whilst you not only meet people but also remain active. Well, I can think of a few: Dance classes, cooking lessons, hiking clubs etc. etc.<br />
The point I'm trying to make is that if you don't make the effort, then you're going to be stuck with false-hope forever. Taking those first and all important steps is so much easier than you may realize.<br />
Also, you need to know people to meet people, or at least to meet your kind of people. In my experience it's far better to meet someone through friends, ie. to be introduced to someone known to (and recommended by) your friends. So get out there and make friends, dammit! It really is not that hard. You are young, you are single, you are intelligent, sheesh, you have so much going for you and the only person holding you back is yourself. <br />
I know that all this is far easier said than done, but please realize that the old notion of "good things come to those who wait" is a load of poo. Good things come to those who make them happen. Your being shy is something that is going to attract a lot of men to you in time (you'll see) and there are a lot of good people out there looking for someone exactly like you. <br />
That said, please PLEASE be careful not to rush into anything. Have the courage to give people a chance, but also the courage to turn away the people who turn you off. Take your time to get know someone so as to avoid being taken advantage of. As a guy I can certainly advise you to make your partner wait (for intimacy), as someone who wants to rush you is only trying to get into your pants. And if they leave you because you won't sleep with them, then you've lost nothing, since they were obviously not right for you. But someone who is willing to wait is more sincere about developing a real relationship and cherishing you. I'm only mentioning any of this "dating advice" (which may seem like I'm jumping the gun) because of your shyness. In my experience shy girls often rush into things and open themselves up to a lot of heartache, which in turn causes them to withdraw into themselves even further.<br />
So please, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there! Meet people. Good things will happen if you allow them to and there are very many good men (and/or women) out there who are looking for love just like you are. You have so much to look forward to and you're in for such a nice surprise when you see how easy it will all become once you take the chance of coming out of your shell.<br />
Best of luck to you! I sincerely hope that you become more proactive, that you cheer up and that you find happiness. I have no doubt that you will, and don't you ever doubt that you DESERVE to be happy...<br />
<br />
PS. Being in love with someone, and being loved by them in return, is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Don't you DARE miss out on that!

you're still young, enjoy your youth now. like you, I'm shy and a little bit of social phobic but I had few guys like me, and now I have a husband. shy people do get married too :-D

Thanks tek.<br />
<br />
When I started this story, I didn't imagine it would end up so long...didn't realize I had so much to say on the topic.<br />
<br />
I suppose it's weird for me to be saying I want to give up all hope once and for all, when my little quote on my profile talks about not depriving anyone of hope.<br />
<br />
I suppose I was feeling especially negative when I wrote that. In reality, that damn hope is still in the back of my mind no matter what I try to tell myself. So I guess I'll just have to "count on" (see I avoided saying hope!) you being right on the gaining strength and such from achieving my career goals, and that helping out with the shyness.

Wow, hope is a nice word, such a pregnant word! It is enjoyable to hope and enjoyable to dream. I used every saturady sing while hoovering "my true love lies ore the hillside hey ho diddle um day and it made me thing we were going to meet some day soon, er some day later, and 5 years later I met my true love! So enjoy dreaming and hoping without the attachment then you will not be dissappointed.

Well that's not what I wanted to read. Believe me when I tell you things will come together. Hope is just a word anyways, instead of hope just call it something to be determined. we can help you with the social anxiety, you will get all the support you need from friends and family. <br />
I also refuse to have you accept the idea that god made everything this way. Everyone will find a special person in their life and I am 100% sure that you will too. I realize it may seem better to give up on the whole "You will find someone" idea. but once you conquer one social problem, the other one will disappear....it's hard to tell you things will change when you have heard it before from so many other people. <br />
you will be happy and it will not be alone! you have accomplished a lot so far and with that accomplishment, you will gain the extra strength you need to be more open and not so shy with people.<br />
the looks thing...u lie :)

My pal called me and tell me she find someone and sooo happy and they like two peas in a pod. Then I meet him years later and my gut and my instincts tell me this is NOT LOVE. I see it a scam a buisness arrangement. She wanted marriage and kids desperately and she shopped for him and he was her 4th guy she hunted down and she gave him an ultimatum that if he not intersted in marriage to let her go. But I felt totally duped cos she rave about how happy she is. Maybe she is. But she shop for a man, like we shop for a blouse or find a job and that makes it clinical. And then the hypocrisy of her raving to me about this love love love and I was genuinely happy for her and I believe Ture Love is given to so few and I thought she was one of the "chosen" and then when I find out the facts the whole thing made me sick. If you marry for money, children, or society pressure, or afraid to be alone that is fine and I wonder will you be happy really? And I do wish you happines but do not pretend it the love of the century. I really felt lied to and I even felt cheated and sad. I remember I schulked home so empty that night to see two empty people who were NOT in love.

Don't fuss too much about it, my friend. No hoping of fairytale endings, just be happy who you are right now. That's what matter.<br />
Who knows what we have ahead?