I started cutting when i was in the 9th or 10th grade. So I was 14 or 15 when I started. It was an on/off thing for me. Then I found out I was pregnant at 16. I quit cutting for a couple years and then out of no where i couldn't fight the urge anymore. I grabbed my pocket knife and just started cutting my upper leg. I was recently hospitalized for trying to kill myself. I was only in there for 5 days. Ever since I got out the urges to cut grew stronger and strong. The other night I was in the kitchen and I saw one of my step-dad's box cutters he uses at work and decided to take it apart and get the blade out. I stared at it and rubbed my finger over the blade to see if it was sharp enough for me and it was. I then just started cutting at first it was only a few or so like every other night. But lately it's been every night for me. There is just something about seeing myself bleed that makes me feel good about myself. I suffer many mental illnesses, and A LOT of bad stuff/things have happened to me in my past. I honestly don't know what to do. The urges to cut are growing more and more each day as each second goes by. When I do cut. I don't want to stop, I just want to keep cutting and never stop.
22-25, F
Aug 17, 2014