Unsure

i live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. only two highschools in our town. i was raped by our schools "star player" i went to our police department and they blamed me. saying i must have taken what he did the wrong way or i must have simply said i would then decided it wasnt a good idea too far into it. our police department did nothing to help me. My whole town found out what i had accused this boy of and i started to get threats from people, i was harassed, and bullied. for what had happened to me, against my will. do they think that i wanted that? that i wanted to lose my innocence. and i saw this boy around town everyday. i started trying to heal on my own. trying to figure things out on my own and learn from the experience. about a month later... he raped another girl, and there was dna proof he did. he was charged for it last i heard... i was good friends with the coaches son. my friend told his father and he was rediculed by the coach and he made practice very hard and unfair on him. he finally left our school and since there is only two schools he couldnt go to the other school because thats where is latest rape victim went. he then started going to the school in the next town over.
i dont see him that often anymore. but after it had happened i didnt question what anyone said, some people told me what he did was rape, others tell me im wrong. but i know what he did wasnt in my freewill. i was young and didnt know that the world could treat me so harshly. i didnt know that someone ive grown up with would do something like that to me. i was scared. i will admit i never said "no, i do not want to do this" but i was so scared and in shock and what was about to happen. i figured the easiest way to get through it was let him do what he wanted and dont fuss about it. he is a big samoan guy. varsity all four years, mighty big. he pushed a dresser in front of his door. i couldnt leave. he was on top of me but i kept saying "this isnt right, we shouldnt be doing this" he must have seen the tears in my eyes and he must have heard my voice cracking from trying to maintain my cool. he must have seen i wasnt turned on and when i tried to keep my underwear on, he must have felt me fighting against his hand.
when he was done with me he kicked me out of his house and while me and my friend walked to his friends car so he could give us a ride he called me a *****. i didnt cry in the car, i didnt want to cause problems with him and his friends. his friend dropped us off on a street corner 5 blocks from my friends house. not even at her house. and took off. i immediately started crying and sat down, i couldnt walk. it hhurt so bad, every movement i made. we sat for awhile while i got myself back together. we finally went into my friends house and i immediately asked if i could shower. i smelled like him, i hated it, i needed to get him off of me. i showered and checked myself to make sure i was alright. i was bleeding. i stayed in the shower for a long time trying to figure out what to do. i got out of the shower and called my boyfriend of 2 years who had just moved to texas two weeks earlier, he told me not to go hang out with him and his friends. i should have listened. my boyfriend called my mom and told my mom what had happened to me because i wouldnt tell her. she was in texas for business, she immediately called her friends who were cops and i got picked up. they told me to show them where his house was but i kept saying i didnt want to. i didnt want to make problems for him.
i dont know if i was really a victim... has this ever happened to anybody else? i hope im not alone...
this happened a few years ago but i still think about it every single day. i feel as though i wasnt a victim even though i know i shouldnt think that...

lifesabeach212 lifesabeach212
18-21, F
Jan 27, 2011