It is truly an addiction. Escaping occupies so much of my thoughts, along with the loathing. I think of going far away from people and civilization to just be......without complicating anything else or dragging anyone else down. I feel like a failure-anchor, I am not just a failure myself but I fell like hold others back. Thought alot about a cabin in the mountains out in the middle of nowhere. Just far enough away to avoid people but to get the things needed to survive. Becoming a hermit, what a goal.