I Need...

I can sing well, dance well, run in heels and learn instruments quickly. I can sleep completely comfortably on a hard surface and fold T-shirts with one hand, cook anything that you can think of and touch my feet to the top of my head.

These are some of my talents. Random things I'm good at. Another one of them is escaping.

 I liked luggage as a kid. Luggage meant we were going somewhere, getting away from the horrible excuse for a home that I lived in. I remember my mom, smiling as she stuffed my clothes into a bag, a fresh blue bruise on the thin skin below her eye. I never knew where we were going, but I knew that it was better than where we were. 

Sometimes, my mom wanted to go off alone. She'd take my sister and I to a neighbors, or a friends house. One of these people was a woman named Nancy. She liked to watch Entertainment Tonight while getting plastered from beer and pain medication. She was one of my favorites.

As I got older, I realized how easy it was to cut class. A simple "I have to go to the bathroom" was enough to get me out of any class in elementary school. In middle school, I didn't bother asking. In fact, I never even showed up at school. I'd wave good bye to my mom, and start walking home as soon as her car pulled away.

As I got older, I got better. I began to realize that you don't have to physically leave your environment to escape it. No, you can be right there, and yet miles and miles away. I made up fake names when talking to complete strangers, played parts I had created in my head, according to who exactly I was dealing with. I could be the good girl, the bad girl, and every girl in between.

I suppose escaping has been the only constant relief in my life. When things get too hard, I can always leave, start again, make something new... out of nothing.

I'll be 18 soon. It's a dangerous age for someone like me. I wont be legally bound to anyone, I wont have to report in at night. I can leave, and just keep going. And if I do start a new life somewhere else, one that ends up less than perfect, well, I can escape from that one too.


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2 Responses Feb 10, 2010

i know and understand all to well.. growing up i had parents i less then got along with but that wasnt even the start to it.. i would fake things in school as a child and realized how exciting it was to be who ever you wanted when ever you wanted to.. the thrill of having some one not truely know who you were and i became addicted to knowing that some one could never really hurt me because they didnt know who i truely was.. but as i turned 13 then 14 then 15 i realized it was imposible to be who i thought i wanted to be becuase i didnt know myself.. i vowed to never lie again and sense then everything has worked out beautifly.. i guess what im trying to say is if you ever start to worry and wonder what the next step is its to really look at yourself and decide who or what you really are and want to be

Wow, this is some story. You seem older than 18 and it must be due to the experiences you're describing. I'm no one to give advice being in an escape situation myself, but try to find a passion and pursue it. Life is precious no matter how much people tend to mes it up. You have many years ahead of you and there is a lot about this world to be enjoyed.