My Life Is a Rollercoaster Ride.
I honestly feel like I have bipolar disorder
. I have done excessive research on it because my mom suffers from bipolar disorder, but still denies it and refuses to take medication. Throughout the day, I experience a rollercoaster of emotions. The most common one is sadness. I am not always sad every day, but usually most days. It is to the point where sometimes, out of nowhere, I want to break down in tears. Like today, I was at work and had just been laughing with one of my co-workers. I rounded the corner after our laughs and was overwhelmed with wanting to fall on the floor and start bawling like a child. What gives? Other times, I want to buy things for everyone and "change the world." One day I even came up with the "great" idea that I would graduate college, get myself comfortably settled, then start my own business. After my business would begin making money, I would find a homeless person and offer them a job and pay their rent for a year. That was my brilliant idea. I just "knew" I would be able to do this all within a year. The catch is, I do not ever want to own my own business. I also have no desire to pay someone else's rent for an entire year when I can barely do it myself. Okay, moving on. Some other reasons that I think I may be bipolar: 1. I am very irritable... typically all the time. 2. I can sometimes sleep for 14-15 hours a day; I can also not fall asleep for days due to insomnia, which leaves me dead tired. 3. I am in physical pain all the time. 4. I get migraines at least 5 times per month. 5. I do not enjoy being around people that I love. 6. I do not usually enjoy sex (even though I am in a healthy relationship with my amazing boyfriend.) 7. I cannot concentrate on anything for more than 2 seconds without being distracted. 8. I have no energy to do things, and I frequently call in to work and switch my work days so I can go in another day instead of the day I am scheduled. I also cancel my internship more days than I actually go to it. 9. I put off school assignments (including my internship) until the last possible moment, and sometimes do not even complete them at all. 10. I have panic attacks all the time. 11. I often see shadows or think that a person is standing near me when they are not. 12. I sometimes think people are out to get me and are staring at me. 13. I sometimes hear things that are not really there. Honestly, I am scared. I want to be normal.