My Life Is a Rollercoaster Ride.

I honestly feel like I have bipolar disorder. I have done excessive research on it because my mom suffers from bipolar disorder, but still denies it and refuses to take medication. Throughout the day, I experience a rollercoaster of emotions. The most common one is sadness. I am not always sad every day, but usually most days. It is to the point where sometimes, out of nowhere, I want to break down in tears. Like today, I was at work and had just been laughing with one of my co-workers. I rounded the corner after our laughs and was overwhelmed with wanting to fall on the floor and start bawling like a child. What gives? Other times, I want to buy things for everyone and "change the world." One day I even came up with the "great" idea that I would graduate college, get myself comfortably settled, then start my own business. After my business would begin making money, I would find a homeless person and offer them a job and pay their rent for a year. That was my brilliant idea. I just "knew" I would be able to do this all within a year. The catch is, I do not ever want to own my own business. I also have no desire to pay someone else's rent for an entire year when I can barely do it myself. Okay, moving on. Some other reasons that I think I may be bipolar: 1. I am very irritable... typically all the time. 2. I can sometimes sleep for 14-15 hours a day; I can also not fall asleep for days due to insomnia, which leaves me dead tired. 3. I am in physical pain all the time. 4. I get migraines at least 5 times per month. 5. I do not enjoy being around people that I love. 6. I do not usually enjoy sex (even though I am in a healthy relationship with my amazing boyfriend.) 7. I cannot concentrate on anything for more than 2 seconds without being distracted. 8. I have no energy to do things, and I frequently call in to work and switch my work days so I can go in another day instead of the day I am scheduled. I also cancel my internship more days than I actually go to it. 9. I put off school assignments (including my internship) until the last possible moment, and sometimes do not even complete them at all. 10. I have panic attacks all the time. 11. I often see shadows or think that a person is standing near me when they are not. 12. I sometimes think people are out to get me and are staring at me. 13. I sometimes hear things that are not really there. Honestly, I am scared. I want to be normal.
SmartLady SmartLady
22-25, F
5 Responses Dec 16, 2007

Sounds like me, I have OCD, ADHD, and SAD as well as bipolar, its always easier for people to tell you to hop on medications and become a zombie, I have refused to do that so I just isolate myself and put up with it, I feel like a lot of my life experiences have caused most of this so I just tend to stay to myself and not involve people on a deep level for fear of many things, it sucks its no way to live, its almost like being in prison but I keep faith everyday that it will change, having a therapist to talk to can be great and has helped me a lot, Its when I'm broke and stressed out and cant get to the therapists that make it hard, also a good therapist can be hard to find. staying away from alcohol and eating healthy is a must for me, probably the same for most suffering from the same....Good luck

Have you checked out Borderline Personality Disorder?

Sounds like me :(

Hi, I'm going through the same thing at the moment!!! Have you been to the doctor's? Ive just plucked up courage to go, and been told that it sounds like i have bipolar and that there is help out there, before i went i thought i was going crazy (well i still might be lol) but now i know it could be that, and they will hopefully be able to help, i feel relieved. You sound like your half way there, you obviously know your stuff and have researched about it because of your mum. So take the next step and go and see someone. I hated the thought of being labelled, being told i was mentally ill, and on tablets for the rest of my life, but to be honest, anything is better than the way i feel right now. So i'm willing to give anything a go. I strongly think you should Hope this somehow helps.

you sound normal to me but what do i know they Army thinks im crazy or broken they always say they can fix me. I think in a small way we all think someone is out to get us. I like to sleep i think that is one of my hobbys ha. Also i love my wife but somtimes cant stand to be around her. anyway they blame my signs on PTSD. ok i guess i really dont think they have a clue on how to fix me our what's wrong with me. but i do hope you find the answer to your's.