.No one knows how bad I'm suffering. I'm nice and positive and happy around my friends because their nice to me. If I told them I think I'm bipolar, I don't think they would believe me. It happens almost everyday. I have terrible mood swings. I'm hyped up and laughing and doing something crazy and goofy to my bf and the next minute if one wrong word is said or my mind gets to me I'm crying and I can't control it. it feels like a war is going on in my head. I used to cut myself to make it go away. But now I try and cope with it but I can't. I wish I had good days and bad days like everyone else. But I never know what will be next. I wake up in the middle of the night and ball my eyes out sometimes. When I cry its as if someone died so dear to me. I feel like I'm grieving. Its so painful that I wanna put a gun to my head. I do some risky **** that could ruin my relationship. And I don't even know why I do it. One day ill look in the mirror and be all like " damn I look good" and later ill hate myself and want to hide in my bed and sleep. I'm depressed a lot. But when I do get thoses really happy moments or normal days it feels great. But its not worth all the pain I go through and erratic behavior that I'm not even going to start on explaining. But what I will say is I don't know what to do.
maddymedalson 18-21, F 0 Feb 20, 2013