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I really don't know

I don't hear voices or anything, but I feel twitchy and twitchy and twitchy and twitchy. I have started to enjoy mentally and slightly physically harming others. and get headaches and cramps if I'm not hurting someone for a couple of days. One time, one of my classmates sat in my chair, and I flipped him out, and nearly slammed his head into a marble table corner. Later, I noticed that I licked my lips when I imagined him bleeding, and my vision got a blood red tint. My head felt like it was going to explode, and someone told me that my normally brown eyes turned black, as if my pupils expanded extremely. On Tuesdays and Thursday I "break" into hurting people really fast, because I hate how the letter "T" starts those days. The symmetry of the letter annoys me, but people have told me that I obsessively organize my books and papers to be as symmetric as possible. I once said that other people were just "toys" that you have to be careful to bend, not to "break". Even though I never have physically hurt a girl, I have said things in order to make girls cry, because I am fascinated with emotions and human behavioral patterns, especially tears. I have tried to steal tears in order to taste them. My emotions range to completely closed off one day, to every extreme of emotions the next. I haven't had any recent tragedies, but I have been to at least 8 funerals in the past 2 years. My family has a kind of history of psychological ailments, and I just want to hear if there is something wrong with my personality or mind.

Ha. Ha. Ha. I don't know what to say. I manipulate people and lost interest in empathy. It's boring. I realized that all my rants against law-breakers was just a way of giving myself an excuse to hurt people. I tried being anonymous and multiple people called me crazy. I don't even know what is the point of me typing this. An outlet? Or an excuse to stop pretending to be so happy and content? I need something to occupy me. I'm done editing this. From now on I'll figure out new ways to kill time HA. HA. HA. Stupid me right? Oh so very stupid me. I am very sure I'm crazy. But does thinking that make me sane? Are we alone as the human race? I said I;d stop editing this but now I'm not sure. I guess I'll do whatever I want. I calmed myself down. Yay. No hurting things for a while.

I kinda figured that the only time I feel happy is when I solve something. Anything really. I'm at peace with my self now. Thanks just for reading all of this.
BPLP123 BPLP123 13-15 Jun 21, 2011

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