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I'm In Love With My Boyfriend's Best Friend

Hello. I'm Brooke.(21) For the sake of my story I'm going to change names.

Jake (27) is my ex-boyfriend. We were together a little over 2 years. We have a BEAUTIFUL little girl named Caymen Rae. When I was pregnant, my friends kinda ditched me & I had no choice but to hang out with my boyfriend, Jake. &  his best friend. Mark. (28) Jake & I have always had problems and arguements & I never really understood why he was with me if he "hated" me so much. He'd run off to the bar rooms & casinos because #1 he knew I couldn't get in & #2 he knew I wouldn't go to any of those places pregnant. So without saying, we've always had fights.

One night after, Jake returned home with Mark; both obviously drunk.. Jake went straight to the bedroom & took a shower. Which I didn't think much of at the time. Afterwards we got into a fight about how he never wanted to spend time with me. After the fight, Jake goes & passes out & I'm left alone in the living room with Mark. Mark then tells me, if he had a girl like me, he'd never treat her so badly.

I didn't think much of it. Mark was always a picky guy when it came to girls. He had a specific type & I didn't match any of it. He always went for older women with blonde hair & I was a 19 yr old girl, pregnant by his best friend & a brunette. so ANYWAY.. Mark had recently started hanging out with us more and more. Taking the two of us to dinner & we'd go to Saints games. We'd all drive around. This continued after the baby was born. We even named Mark the Godfather of our daughter. He was so great with her.

Time goes by & Mark & I start to realize we have a lot in common. Music. Sports. Humor. & I start to realize, Jake & I have nothing in common. I didn't even know what was keeping the two of us together anymore. February 2009 (1 week after our daughters first birthday). I receive a picture & fool proof stories of how many times my boyfriend, Jake, had cheated on me & with who. Including a ********* with two sixteen year old girls. I was disgusted. I immediately turned to Mark. Who'd I'd grown closer with over the past year. It'd seemed like lately, Mark was more my friend than Jake's. & something sparked. We spent that night together. He made me feel so much better about everything. I'd never felt so much passion than in that one single night. The way Mark kissed me & held me. I truly felt loved. Mark confessed his love for me that night. He told me the sweetest things I'd ever heard in my life. I felt the same way. I loved him. & not only that. I was in love with him.

After months of hiding it from my ex Jake, Mark & I decided that it was time to come out. I started bringing him around my friends, who loved him. I stopped parking my car around the block from his house & started parking in the driveway. Jake obviously found out VERY soon after that & blew up. I have no excuse. Nothing I can say to Jake to make it better. He seemed sorry after I found out what he did but I couldn't be with a guy who could cheat on me so many times with young girls & even some of my friends. So I stayed with Mark.

A few more months & Mark and I are still together. My friends love him. I love him. I'm so in love with him. ONly, Jake has gotten my family on his side. My family looks down on me. I'm a *****. I'm a *****. How could I do that to Jake!?

WAIT! ISN'T JAKE THE ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME!? SHOULDN'T THEY BE HAPPY FOR ME FOR FINDING LOVE??
heart dropping, weak in the knees everytime he looks at me love.

no. they're not. they judge me and won't talk to me.

Mark & I are still together & there is still AN extreme amount of passion & I'm just happy when I'm with him. He tells me he loves me. That he's never felt this way about a girl before. That he wants to spend his life with me. I feel the same..

But what do I do about my family?! Wait for them to come around? I have a VERY close family, which is disappointing because I figured they'd want me happy. But apparently, not.  They think its wrong.

so which do I choose.

Love or Family?

beautifulmess1 beautifulmess1 18-21, F 7 Responses Sep 5, 2009

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LOVE! it's so obvious i think, i think you're family doesn't know the whole story? or they just oldfashioned and they think you should stay with your first? anyway.. it sounds great with your new boyfriend, i would stay with him:)

Go for love!! There is nothing more important and more sacred in the world than love. And you obviously love your family too, but don't let others get in the way of your happiness. Its YOUR life so YOU do what YOU want. Life is short. Too short to pass up on our true soul mates. If you think you've found yours, don't let anything stand in the way!

in this story, im mark. my good friend was a complete ******* to his gf, who was a complete saint. when they would get in fights i would never try to get involved but it was always him overreacting to something. what pissed me off even more is that he would brainwash his girl into thinking that it was all her fault. long story short me and her started to hang out alot and eventually hooked up. one day he walked in on us making out so it all went to hell from there. he's almost completely out of the picture but her family is/was on his side. his parents probably hate me now too cause this guy told EVERYONE like the whole ****** city. people used to hate on us for the longest time still being friends. we decided not to make it official in consideration for other peoples views. maybe that was a mistake now cause we sometimes still flirt even though we've had other bf's and gf's. go for love....life is too short to please other people!

Forgot one other thing.....if you want to stay with Mark you should enforce your boundaries with Jake and your family. Trust me, people do not like it when you have boundaries and enforce them, but they are important to your life and your child. If you don't have boundaries and expectations of behavior than trust me people feel they can walk on you and display behavior that is less than respectful because you don't put your foot down and ob<x>ject. You have to be very clear about what you expect in regards to behaviors to you and your child and to Mark and be clear that you need to be respected. <br />
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I learned this the hard way after 10 years of a bad marriage. I just hope you don't have to learn some of the same life lessons the hard way like I did....lol.....not a fun way to do it, trust me.

As I don't know "Jake" or your family there are two things or observations I would like to make about what I saw in your story. Jake is possessive and manipulative if he has treated you this way, cheated on you and has manipulated your family into feeling sorry for him. I would assume they know nothing of what he has done to hurt you or like a lot of manipulative men he gets people to feel sorry for him because of your anger despite his behavior (fyi I used to be married to a "Jake"). <br />
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Your family I would suspect is harboring hopes that because you have a baby with Jake that you will be a "family" for the sake of your baby, marriage to Jake or not...and I suspect more on the marriage part. People still don't like to see people split when there are children despite the fact that one of the parents is not a good role model or make the other partner miserable (same story with my ex-inlaws).<br />
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The sad thing is this man, "Jake", will be in your life and your child's life forever and sadly if his behavior is true...not such a good role model for your child. <br />
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On the other hand if "Mark" is the better man and you love him then I would stay with him, no matter what your family says or how much "Jake" tries to manipulate him out of your life. Good news is if Mark is a good guy he will be a positive influence on your child. <br />
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Please don't think that being with someone just because they have a biological claim in your life...your child...is the best thing for that child. Children are not dumb, they can see when people around them are not happy even if they are not give visual evidence to support this, being in a loveless relationship marked by mental or physical abuse is not the kind of environment for a child. If you and Mark do love each other as much as you say, that in my opinion is the best role model you can give your child. <br />
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Your family will take a while to come around, but if they know you are happy and treated well and so is your child they should be happy for you and respect your choices. Don't let other people decide how you will be happy, only you can decide that....sometimes other people just have to live with disappointment. <br />
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Wish you and your child luck in life.

When it really comes down to it I'd say love IS family. <br />
Mark has been there for you through out everything...he has been your support and basically your family. <br />
I agree with DollyDiva, your biological family should come around and see things from your side if they truly want the best for you.<br />
<br />
Besides...true love now a days is so rare to come by. Enjoy it! I wish you luck...I'm sure you'll follow your heart.

If I were you, I'd go for love, <br />
and if your family really love & care for you,<br />
they should understand and take your side,<br />
the way they treated you sounds horrible,<br />
however, I believe that one day they'd understand<br />
you gotta prove them of your love with Mark.<br />
Good luck ,, Doll

Hi I'm kinda in the same situation. I am 21 years old, I am engaged to a "jake". He puts me down all the time, he hates the way I look, he complains about everything. He tells me I look horrible without my make up. We have two kids together. My daughter who will be three in feb and my son who will be 1 in jan. anyway, my fiancé's bestfriend (Brian) has been around since my daughter was 1 month old. Brian was also named the godfather of my kids. Brian also tells me that my fiancé should lucky to have you in his life. I am a stay at home mom and work hard at taking care of my kids. Last year my fiancé cheated on me with a ********. I fell apart, Brian calls me and tells me if there is anything I can do to make you feel better i will. I started to cry because I haven't felt compassion like that in a really long time. I stayed with him because of my kids. In the last two month Brian and I have been talking like crazy. My fiancé had a crazy idea to have a three some. So I agreed because Brian and I wanted to have sex but we didnt want my fiancé to find out. My fiancé rule was no kissing and Brian and I kissed. The moment we kissed I had fireworks go off in my head. My world stopped the min I touched his lips. Now the problem I'm having is Brian and I like each other but he doesn't want to ruin his friendship with my fiancé because they have been friends since they were two. He told me he loves me. He and I have so much in common and we get along so well. I have told Brian things that my fiancé doesn't know about me. He makes me feel so happy and myself. When I'm with my fiancé I get angry, I am not myself, I am not even liking sex with him anymore. I want to leave but if my fiancé and I split and I go with Brian the families will hate me I feel. And I don't want my fiancé to lose his friend and I don't want brian to lose my fiancé.