Evere Since We Split

I have had problems seeing myself with men ever since I left my fiance. I told him I wanted space, and ever since women have been my main attraction. Not for their pure beauty, but for their sensitivity, independence, and sexy I can be me attitudes. Women want respect, and I want to show them that.I want to show them that men is NOT the only option. Gay men, I need your honest opinions on how I should go about being gay and if I truly could be gay. I mean I find every part of the woman beautiful, inside and out. I've always wished I could have been born a man, but I am not a butch. I can be feminine and love a second feminine female. And the whole Who's the man or who's the girl questions. They always offend me. I mean it's a gay relationship THERE IS NO GIRL, OR THERE IS NO MAN. That's the whole point of gay. You can support a same sex without Pretending to be the opposite. I also don't care much for homophobes. Like excuse me but gays are not physically hurting you so why even make a big deal. I've heard homophobes say "If you don't like me then look away." Really. do the same stupid sea hags. I don't get it. Why can't gays get married either? I mean really. Once again they are people not animals. I mean, wow, why not treat gays like normal people. I don't understand people. And I don't see why I couldn't be gay. My mother always says "Oh, you're not gay. I raised you right." How does that have any influence on me being gay if I'm gay. I gotta be gay right? Why else would I have been attracted to women so much even as a young child. My very first crush was a girl. I was like six, so having a crush on a family member was normal. So I had a crush on my cousin Jennifer. I don't even get it. Why would someone say "You aren't allowed to be gay." And my mother wanted a boy to begin with. So aren't I the next best thing. I don't get it. My dad says it's totally fine to be gay and so does my step mother. But my biological mother and step father say we should be eliminated or torched or some crazy psycho babble bull sh*t. I've never really been treated right by any man EXCEPT gay men or my family. What's that about. I don't even understand those kinds of Christians. But I've read the bible I mean really Only God Can Judge Me. And then I was picked on. Like my family would be oh she's the iffy one. I'm just standing there Hi I'm the family pet because I like girls and they don't. I'm so glad I moved in with my dad. At least he understands.. Gee I'm just So Torn... I am not used to being able to sit here and hold a wonderful lady in my arms. I've just now started to look at myself and be able to say, I think I really am GAY. I can be proud. I can be equal. I just, I'm not sure what my mother's issue is. Like I'm some kind of manufacturer mistake. I'm unique. If God wanted us to all be the same, he would have never created gays. I'm sure, we are born gay. How else would I have been so into guy stuff, so disgusted by boys, and so into girls when i was like five six seven years old. I'm sorry I wasn't born the way my mom wanted. But at least I'm here. At least I'm alive. And so what if I am not what you wanted? You have two more kids at home. Why should she worry about what I choose? She can't run my life for me like she wishes she could. It's not her choice. I just wish she would love and accept me even though I am strongly attracted to women.....
AthenaWilliams AthenaWilliams
18-21, F
1 Response May 24, 2012

its difficult your mom is always going to be dissapointed about it because it sort of aint right but its not wrong either.mums want to be grandmas and if u dont give her children it upsets her.plus u know there is a stigma attatched ie "well thats the woman with the gay kid".but screw them old hags they from a different generation.<br />
you live your life as u want to lead it your sexual preferences are no business of your mothers.i am not homophobic we have gay weddings now wotever makes people happy in life do it its no big deal its just the older generations thats all xx

my mom has two more daughters and she wanted a boy -.- I'm the closest she has...