It's Hit Me Today...

Over the last 3+ days i've been trying to find myself. I had a conversation yesturday with someone i hold very dear to me and she gave me some words that have litterally changed my life.

We talked about alot of things, but a couple of those things have really hit me hard today now that i've related them to my own life. I thought i knew who i was, and what i wanted, and i had what i thought was the meaning to life. but today i've changed all of those things.

She said to me that everybody has certain values. What those values are, and how much they mean to you is what makes you who you are, how you act, pretty much just exactly how you think and prosent yourself to everyone else.

An example that she gave me was if you say that one of your important values are that you are a loyal person. You meet someone that you dont really like and then you go behind their back and talk about them. This shows that although you think that you are a loyal person, but that goes against what you believe to be an important value. Which, shows that Loyalty, isnt one of your important values.

Ok, now i believe this, and i'm against it. Because although it is proof that it is not one of your most important values, if you can understand what you are doing, and know that you have to change it, and then follow through, then it can be an important value.

anyway back to my story, everyone has a different "meaning to life", the true meaning to life doesnt exist, because everyone has their own definintion of it. I believe that success is what the true meaning to life comes down to. I've talked about this with my Delilah, and i think i now understand it. If you feel successful/feel that your life has been a success, then you have fullfilled the meaning to "your" life.

Ok how this all links together, if you believe that say, being a good friend is one of your most important values, then once you believe that you are a good friend, then you will feel sucessfull, and, in the process, fullfillling your meaning to life. Get it?

ok lol, now back to the main reason i'm writing this. I once believed, for a very long time, that having a successful carreer was a value that i thought was very important to me. Today, i have relised that that is not true, because in going with that value, i will loose out on a value that i hold even stronger, i've seen that today. By being a chef, im loosing out on a relationship with someone i love. I thought that when i became a "proper" chef, i would feel sucessfull. but thats not something that i want. Its not one of my most important values. Where as being with the people that you love, and having a family is. If i work as a chef, i would miss out on everything. I enjoy it, but i think its just because i'm half decent at it. Its how ive been my whole life, if im good at something, i like it. But i dont think that i want it as a career anymore...i'll loose to much.

Thats why i think im going to leave my job. because heading down that path is not the path i actully want to go down.

I think from now on, im going to be a very different person, just becasue i'm looking at things in a very different way.

I hope you've been able to follow and can understand what i've talked about.

Thanks for reading

peace lol